I apologize for the length of this post.  It’s just that there were a lot of comments yesterday and I kept my mouth shut for so long and anyone who knows me knows what a huge deal that is.  Apparently, I’m going to make up for it today.

So, let’s talk about yesterday.

I think the problem here is that everyone relies on hatred and intolerance too much as our first defense against what we discern to be oppression.

For most people, hate is a symptom.  It’s just at the surface.

Hate… is a sneeze.

Have you ever been to the doctor because of a cold that has you sneezing incessantly and then had the doctor tell you that you have an acute case of “the sneezes”?  I really, really hope not.

Because the sneezes are not the problem.  It’s the virus or bacteria that’s the problem.

When you’re in the position that I’ve stumbled into at this time in America, it’s not useful to diagnose yourself with the sneezes.  Or being sneezed upon, as this increasingly awkward analogy suggests.

You have to shut up for a minute (or over a hundred comments) and listen for the real problem.

You have too look for the virus.

I’m going to channel my friend Britt, whose therapy speak has for the last year or so been annoying, but, for the first time, is actually going to prove useful to me.

I heard you.

What I heard you say is that you think that Muslims in that area are doing this simply to assert their right to build a mosque wherever they please and that they are, in the exact words of one commenter, “thumbing their noses at us.”

I also hear you saying that you don’t think it’s in good taste to build a mosque so close to the WTC because you feel it offends the memories of those who died there.

This is what I heard.

Or read.  You know what I mean.

I am of the opinion that neither of these sentiments are borne of hatred.  They are the products of mistrust, fear, grief, pain and despair.  You should know, even those of you who beautifully defended not just me yesterday but all American Muslims and maybe as you saw it America itself, that these emotions cannot be subdued with force.

You cannot make someone’s mistrust, fear or grief disappear by using shame or guilt.  And, don’t delude yourself, implying or outright calling someone ignorant or intolerant is an attempt to shame them.  Branding someone as ignorant or intolerant when engaging in a discussion is not only rude, but it’s counterproductive.  It’s not as though you’re going to get a sudden turnaround.

Oh, I’m ignorant?! Really? Well, then I change my mind, please help me be less ignorant.

That?  Is not going to happen.

I think those of us who are actually committed to harmony instead of sticking it to the other guy should dispense with these words entirely.  At least, when we’re speaking to the people with whom we disagree.

Back to grief, pain, mistrust and despair, though… or our “viruses,” if you will.

These are real emotions and the people who are feeling them deserve careful consideration and acknowledgment.  Maybe we should stop trying so hard to get our point across and try to deal with them in a sensitive way?

So, please.  Let me lead the way.

I also hear you saying that you don’t think it’s in good taste to build a mosque so close to the WTC because you feel it offends the memories of those who died there.

I read these particular comments several times in order to get to what I believe is the heart of the matter.

As I see it, this is a choice.

I am unsure of whether it’s conscious or not, so right here and right now, let’s make it clear and conscious.  A person reading this can continue to believe that the presence of a mosque near the WTC is offensive if they choose, but today my aim is that they will walk away being absolutely clear on the choice that they’re making.

Connecting the Americans who want to build this mosque with the terrorists who flew their planes into the Towers based on the virtue of their shared religion is a choice.

It asserts that how long those Americans have lived here, whether they are Democrats or Republicans, whether they are black, white, Hispanic, Asian, or whatever does not matter at all.  It further assumes that they have more in common with the people who brandish radical Islam and murder people  in its name than they do with “real” Americans.

This is a choice to rely on stereotyping and generalities in order to avoid having your heart broken or your body blown up by someone you thought was your friend.  It is a tough choice.  But it is a choice.

You can choose to believe that a stereotype or a generality is a reference point or that it is an unabashed truth.

Either way, you must own it.

You must acknowledge that being offended by a mosque built by Americans is saying that those Americans are more like terrorists who murder Americans than they are like you.  It does not matter to you that they, like you, pay their taxes, vote or put their pants on one leg at a time.  All that matters is that they are Muslim and the people who caused our national tragedy called themselves Muslim.  Everything else is extraneous.

You are choosing the expedience of simplification over the arduous task of getting to know a person before you judge them.

I’m not judging.  I’m just saying you should be clear on your choice.  And clear on what that says about you and your outlook on life.

There is another explanation as to why one might be offended by the building of this mosque that has nothing to do with stereotyping, though.  It might be offensive to some that the building of this mosque is an act of political grandstanding.  That is, that the Muslims building there are doing so because they want to assert that they have a right to do so.  All my information points to the contrary, but if that is the case?

Then, I’m offended by the idea of this building.

What I heard you say is that you think that Muslims in that area are doing this simply to assert their right to build a mosque wherever they please and that they are, in the exact words of one commenter, “thumbing their noses at us.”

Muslims are commanded by God not to be arrogant, and I believe that building for the sake of asserting one’s right is an act of arrogance.

It obliterates the sanctity of a place of worship and infuses it with political rhetoric.  Educated American Muslims should be well aware of where this road leads and we should not delude ourselves by assuming that this time it will be different because, after all, we’re Americans and it’s somehow okay for us to politicize our Islam.

If Muslims in this area are doing this simply to make a point and not because there is a viable need for a place of worship and gathering, this is outside the scope of Islamic etiquette and manners.

It’s not a sin, but it’s not looked upon favorably.  The Prophet (pbuh) was reported to have said that we are measured not by our deeds, but the intention behind those deeds.  In other words, one can market interfaith understanding all they like, but if they’re intention is to politicize their identity as Muslims, then, well, God is watching.

And that might not be important to some Americans, but it should be important to Muslim Americans.

To me, building a mosque simply to assert one’s right to build a mosque is misguided and cruel.  It is even more cruel to do so when parents, children, siblings and spouses are asking you with tears in their eyes not to do it.

It doesn’t matter if they’re Muslim or not.

It doesn’t matter if we were responsible for their pain or not.

It doesn’t matter if they are misguided in their assumptions.

What matters is that this action is causing them pain.

What matters is our responsibility to show compassion and mercy.

At the same time, if it is needed and worth it, then build it.

But the Muslims in this area should give proper weight to the price that is being paid not in dollars, but in good will.

So.

If it is needed and it is worth it and the intention is pure and aimed solely to fulfill our responsibility to serve our Creator, then build it.

By all means, then, build it.

***

I received an e-mail from a good friend today who was indignant on my behalf over the idea that I had to address this in the first place.  Why, she wondered, was I put in the singular position of having to comment on this?

I think her point was a good one, especially since I don’t generally use this as a forum for post 9/11 angst.  At least, not on a regularly scheduled basis.  Rest assured, also, that I never will.

The truth is, I wasn’t placed in the position of making a commentary.  I chose to be in this position.

I didn’t have to say anything.  I could have gone along talking about my wonderful husband, my sick kids and all sorts of other topics and nobody would have said a word.

Except maybe my dad who still thinks there’s hope for me to be, at the very least, the first Muslim woman to become Secretary of Defense and wonders why I don’t write about this in every single post and why do I write like Sarah Palin speaks.

But I can’t just not talk about it or not take some measure of responsibility in terms of occasionally speaking up.

I accept this responsibility very willingly.  You betchya I do, gosh darn it, Dad.

I will struggle to put a human face, any face, on these issues,, even if I’m not representative, even if I don’t speak for everybody else who is Muslim in this nation.

I suspect, in fact, that I will most likely spend the rest of my life explaining how I and other people like me are not terrorists.

And that is okay with me because I have a very good reason.

One day, when my children or grandchildren will hear about how there was this big argument.

It was all about where a mosque could and should be built in New York City.

They’ll look at me with glazed eyes the way I looked at my dad when he told me about the British ruling India for 150 years or how trains full of dead bodies came into Pakistan during the partition.

And, like me, they’ll feel a little sad.  And they’ll wish that it had been different.

And then?  They’ll say, “Wow, that must have been rough for everyone.  So.  What’s for dinner and did you see my acceptance letter to MIT/Harvard/the Sorbonne with a full scholarship sitting on the kitchen counter yet or what?”

I say something so this won’t be a big deal one day.

I just don’t want these kids to grow up in a world that simply tolerates them as Muslims, but one that recognizes their contribution as human beings to society and civilization.

I guess, I just say something so they won’t have to.

Everyone needs a dream, you know.

I suppose someone out there is wondering why, given my openness about being an American Muslim, the debates surrounding the building of a mosque near ground zero haven’t been brought up in this space.

The thing is, I think most of you know where I would stand on this issue.

The other thing is, I am, frankly, exhausted at the prospect of writing yet another iteration of:

“I’m just a Muslim girl with Pakistani-American parents, standing in front of a relatively secular nation asking it to love her.”

If you’ve not seen Notting Hill, that last line was very clever.  Trust me.

It occurred to me the other day that…

Someone out there who is reading this blog is incensed by the idea of a mosque being built NEAR ground zero.

They are also incensed by the idea that there are mosques being built in Los Angeles, Tennessee, or anywhere in our country.

This anger is so real, in fact, that when the President defends the rights of all Americans to build places of worship wherever they are legally allowed to do so, the accusation of him being “out of touch” with the American people is given full credibility and attention.

They are also so incensed that they’ve imagined that every Friday, every single Muslim in the whole world gets together on some version of terrorist Skype and we formulate plans for symbolic world domination.  Like, we all sit around on Friday night, by the dim light of our burning American flags, coming up with names for a mosque that we plan to build on ground zero… I know!! Let’s call it Cordoba after the place where we got our butts kicked by the Christians back in the 13th century… that’ll teach them.

You should have been there, I tell you, it was just amazing how ALL ONE BILLION OF US agreed on this in just a matter of minutes!!

Look.  Today, instead of my proselytizing about freedom, humanistic ideals and interfaith understanding, I’d like to offer an invitation.

I invite this incensed someone to state their opinion in a respectful and concise manner.

I would like you to tell me why, as your fellow American, I am not allowed to build a place a worship wherever I am legally able to do so.

I also ask readers to treat this commenter with respect if you choose to engage in a discussion, and to keep in mind that no person is defined by a single opinion.  In other words, please don’t use words like “stupid” or “dumb.”

I also invite you to twitter or Facebook this post, so that the entire Internet can come here and respectfully explain to me exactly why a Muslim American should have less rights than a non-Muslim American.

I offer this invitation because I sincerely would like to know the rationale.

And I would like them to tell me to my virtual face.

I won’t even try to change their minds.  Because, honestly, I don’t think it’s possible.

I’d just like to know what I’m up against.

My fellow Americans, Happy Fourth of July!!

Go forth and barbecue, face paint, watch fireworks and complain about how you can’t believe your boss didn’t give you Monday off because he obviously hates America.

But before you do all that, how about you read this and marvel in the sense of destiny, the utter determination, and the absolute hatred of not being able to negotiate how much money one gives the government that produced this gem of human history?

Come on.  If you really loved America, you’d read it.

(Annnd all my European and Asian readers just left the building.)

The Unanimous Declaration
of the Thirteen United States of America

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.

That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.

But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security.

And then they listed out all the things they hated about the king.  Rumor has it that they particularly hated his hairdo and thought he had breath that smelled of turkey legs, but decided not to include that in the original document because they were running low on ink.

Nice, huh?  Or was it all horribly boring for you?

If so, fret not!  The fate of your patriotic soul still hangs in the balance, for I have dug up an old Schoolhouse Rock video that will appease any intellectual laziness!!

Don’t feel bad, it is a Sunday, after all.

While we celebrate this day, I also want to remind you of a few verses from, “America, the Beautiful” that for some reason are rarely sung (Ray Charles being a notable exceptions, I think).

America! America!
God mend thine ev’ry flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law.

O beautiful for heroes prov’d
In liberating strife,
Who more than self their country loved,
And mercy more than life.

America! America!
May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness,
And ev’ry gain divine.

O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears.

America! America!
God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea.

- Katherine Lee Bates (1910)

That sort of sums up how I feel.  I’m realistic, but I’m hopeful.  I think we’re a pretty great nation, but I think we can do better.  I think we will do better.  Because that’s who we are.

Have fun today, America, and remember the reasons behind the rituals.

Also a very happy birthday to my dear friend Jared whose birth in and of itself merits annual nationwide fireworks and belting out the national anthem at full volume.

Guess what I did today!

I bought a Sam’s Wholesale Club membership!!

I know, right?! SAM’S-OMGEE-THIS-IS-SO-EXCITING!!!

You’re going to laugh at me, but the reason I hadn’t bought a membership until this point was due to some convoluted set of pseudo-moral objections Tariq raised about mindless consumerism and unfair business practices.

I didn’t really argue because that meant I would have actually had to listen to the argument PLUS I find it absolutely hilarious when my husband tries to get ethical.

This is the guy that laughed at me a few years ago when I suggested that we should start recycling. And when I got upset asked me how much water the recycling plant used to recycle plastics and-isnt-THAT-bad-for-the-environment?

And, then, when I got even more upset said, “Fine” but then grumbled something like “Leave it to Americans to love dirt, plastic and dogs more than they love people.”  Okay, not an exact quote, but something in the neighborhood.

Anyway, SAM’S CLUB!!

Did you know you could buy six tubes of toothpaste for ten bucks?

And one hundred and sixty Huggies for thirty five bucks?

Plus cheesecake and salmon?!

And frozen taquitos and a 24 pack of Dannon Light and Fit Yogurt?

Look, I know I’m getting FOBalicious here, but I am so excited!

Because, hey, SAM’S!!

I am unusually thick skinned when it comes to things deemed offensive.  I don’t get upset over terrorist jokes or slurpie innuendo. If the joke is funny, I have no problem laughing.

That said, non-Indian people of the world, you need to know that merely mimicking an Indian accent is not funny.

Furthermore, IF what you’re actually saying or doing is not stand alone funny, it’s just stupid.

“Apu” from The Simpson’s is funny because what he says is highlighted by the accent.

“Hello, how are you?” in an Indian accent and then laughing, though?  Is neither clever nor as remotely hilarious as you might think.

And mimicking an Indian accent to someone whose parents or husband has a similar accent is both ignorant and rude.  Oh my goodness, I cannot even begin to count the number of times this has happened to me.

Disagree?

Let’s drive this point home in an unexpected way.

A few years ago, I was at a restaurant with a bunch of Indian friends.  Unlike me, none of them were born here, so they spoke accented English, although most of their accents were very slight.  One of the women at the table was relating a conversation with one of her American co-workers.  When this Indian woman repeated her co-worker’s words, she slipped into an attempt to speak English like an American.

Only, she’s not American, so it played as a bad impression of American accented English.  Apparently, we Americans obnoxiously drop “g’s” all over the place and our “a’s” are said with our mouths open entirely too wide.

Being the only person at the table who spoke American accented English, frankly, I was embarrassed by it.  I listened quietly to her do this accent which by virtue of subtext was a mockery of the way I spoke and realized if the tables were turned, I would have offended everyone at that table.  Worse, there was no joke.  The accent was supposed to be the joke.

The way I talk was the butt of her joke.

Nice.

Why don’t you just make fun of the fact that I wore glasses in the second grade while you’re at it, lady?

So, let me repeat, the accent is not the joke.  The words actually have to be funny, or one runs the risk of looking like an ignorant and slightly racist jerk.

And, apparently, the folks who run the marketing department over at Metro PCS are ignorant and slightly racist jerks.

Seriously, the only way this could be more insulting to my heritage is if it were two white guys with brown shoe polish smeared on their faces.

(Facebook readers will have to click through to my blog to see this ridiculous commercial).