Where I’ve Been And Where I’m Going
Here’s a funny story.
Eighteen months ago, I looked at my surroundings and realized that we didn’t belong here.
I spoke with Tariq and he agreed.
It’s a strange thing to realize that you’re living what most people consider a dream come true, and to then simultaneously feel that it’s all just wrong.
Let’s backtrack. Values should be questioned. Not necessarily in a “down with the establishment” kind of way, but more of a “gee, I wonder if this is really right for me” kind of way. That’s complicated sounding. Here’s what I mean.
I didn’t know until eighteen months ago that the worth of a value as it is applied in your life is completely subjective. I assumed that if it worked for my parents, that it should work for me. Period. The End.
After we got married, with help from both of our parents, we bought a huge house in a beautiful, gated community right outside of Orlando. We lived in this house and we filled it with lots of beautiful things. We invited people over, we had parties, we had children, we created a life that revolved around this house and this community and we enjoyed this life as much as we could.
Tariq and I have many things in common. One those things is that we try to make the best and do our best in just about any situation.
That sometimes leads to us never really stopping to ask ourselves about what we really want… This applied to our life. We never asked ourselves if living in this little golf community thirty miles from any sort of museum, playhouse, real library or homeless person was a life that fit in with our values. We just assumed that since it was something our parents, and it seems everyone else we’ve ever known, valued, then it was something we valued.
I guess we were afraid that if we directly confronted the disconnect between our values and those of the people we love that there would be hurt and feelings of rejection from the people who were living them and trying to pass them on to us.
That was silly.
If you don’t like chocolate and I lovelovelove chocolate, does this translate to me not loving or respecting you? To an outright rejection of you?
Of course not. You don’t like chocolate. I do. The.end. Period.
It’s the same with big houses in gated communities filled with lots of beautiful objects most of which are a deep red and gold which, hey, you really like and thanks so much for your generousity, but would not be your first choice in terms of decorating. Ahem.
It’s true of values, too.
Eighteen months ago, long story made short, we decided to sell all of our furniture and move to a condo in downtown Orlando. The decision to downsize from 3200 sq. ft to 1700 sq. ft seemed (and still seems) crazy to a lot of people. You have to understand, though, we are not stay at home people.
We like to be out. Having a big house keeps you from being out. Trust me on this one. We also crave diversity. Not just among people, but within experience, within sights, within everything. We have short attention spans, what can I say?
Anyway.
We decided not to sell the house for various reasons, so the option was to rent it out.
We did the thing everyone should do when they’re trying to pawn off their responsibilities er, make their home look attractive to others. We examined critically from a consumer’s eyes and realized there were some very specific things that needed to be done: blinds, new paint, new flooring, pressure washing… the list went on and on.
So did the financial total.
It was going to be expensive to move out of this house. If I were more clever, I could pinpoint the exact location of the irony in the situation.
I felt discouraged because, frankly, we didn’t have the money to do all that stuff.
As March neared, we talked a lot about it.
What should we do?
Maybe we should just stay in the house?
It’s a great house.
We should just stay.
But then.
Even more weekends would be spent doing house stuff instead of living stuff, so we realized that no, this was still not for us, and we shouldn’t allow the inconvenience of living our true values stop us from moving forward.
We listed furniture for sale even though we didn’t know if we were going to be moving any time soon.
We called out painters, blinds installers, and flooring people to do estimates even though we didn’t have the money to pay them, yet.
We stopped buying stuff for our house, so we could minimize on the amount of stuff we’d have to move.
We threw out stuff we didn’t absolutely need or that would not fit in a place that was going to be half this size.
We dreamed, we held on, we didn’t know how it was going to happen, but, we knew it was going to happen.
We were going to get a small place in the heart of the city. We were going to leave the suburbs because every day we spent here was like losing a day we could spend living the life we wanted for ourselves.
Then came July.
A job offer finally confirmed with a full moving package.
We could get all that stuff done to the house. We could hire a realtor to help us rent the house.
We put the house up on a Thursday, it rented the following Wednesday.
It’s done.
We’ve got movers coming on the 18th.
It’s done.
We’re going to look at condos in downtown. It’s finally happening.
But not quite like I envisioned.
Because, um, I’ve never even actually been to Memphis, Tennessee.
74 Responses to Where I’ve Been And Where I’m Going
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Memphis is awesome!!! Yay! I’m happy for you! Also – you’re so much closer, now. So, yes- I’m selfish with it, too.
@Sybil Law, I know. We’re going to have to get together, definitely! Also, I love that I didn’t post for a month and half and you were the first comment. I love you.
I’m really glad you were able to take that stock and pull the trigger on such a move. That takes more guts than I can fathom. On the other hand, I’m depressed that I lived within 30 miles of you and never got to meet Tariq or the kids.
@Michael Melchor, We’ll be back often, my parents are here. This move has really put into perspective how bad of an idea it is to procrastinate on building relationships. I’ll make it a point to let you know when we come back in town!
@Faiqa, Awesome. Please do. I hope the move goes smooth and I’ll look forward to one of your next visits.
I always read you, rarely comment – but had to on this one. I loved this post! Felt like I was sitting having coffee with you and you were just sharing the story! I love Memphis. Diverse, art filled (music, theater, loveliness). You will love it too!
Rock on for following your hearts!
@naomi, I’m so glad to hear that about Memphis! And thanks for commenting.
ask and you shall receive! And since you are renting, if the adventure turns out to not be of the flavor you were seeking, you have a place to return to. I’m betting ya’ll will love it.
ps Tennessee is more southern then we are here in Fl. You may have to brace yourself for that.
@erin, I’m totally excited about that! I can’t wait to experience unfiltered South.
Oh how fabulous! Not the new location – I’ve never been there so have no way of knowing if it’s fabulous. But things changing around so you can live the life you want. Love it!
@Erin, I’m excited! Thanks!
Congratulations! Good luck on your new adventure!
@usedtobeme, Thank you so much!
Wow!!Thats an incredible surprise. I so wish you would move to Houston–maybe next time eh..;).
We also were thinking of moving there once upon a time. And it will be too much of a coincidence if u tell me-u guys are moving on a Fedex job
@jina, It *is* a Fedex job.
Memphis is a lovely city. I used to travel there for work quite often, and fell in love with the place. I miss those days.
Knowing that your family is moving there gives me an excuse to visit again. So thanks for that.
@Dave2, YAY! I am so going to hold you to visiting.
Congrats! Although I’ve only made a brief stop in Memphis, I hear it’s great. And I’ve vowed that my next home will be in a downtown area. Like that great apartment I gave up in Berkeley for my current home.
@Kailyn, I’m really looking forward to experiencing it.
Having never been to either Memphis or Orlando, I approve of your decision.
And great…now I’ve got that killer earworm thing going on with “Walking in Memphis” by Marc Cohn. I hate that song.
@B.E. Earl, “Tell me, are you a Christian, child/And I said ‘Ma’am, I am tonight’” I’ve always loved that line. The rest of the song, well, yeah. Meh.
@Faiqa, Ugh…I especially hate that line.
Welcome back.
I wish my wife would think like you. We’re already in a house that is 50% larger than the one I grew up in, and she keeps calling it a “little” house.
@SFD, That always baffles me a little… I have loads of friends who say the same… I’m like, “YOU KNOW YOU’LL HAVE TO CLEAN ALL THOSE BATHROOMS, RIIIIGHT?!”
Don’t tell her I said that.
Living according to your values? Wild concept. Congrats to you and Memphis is one lucky city!
@Vikki, You have to visit. If I’m going to be a victim of a hate crime, I’d like to have you standing by me when it happens. Hahahaha….
@Faiqa, And we’ll all go down together…
Oh man, now I’ll REALLY never get to see you guys! Best of luck though to you and your family on your move. I’m sure you will all do very well. I never did get that round of golf in with Tariq, darned schedules!
@Hockeymandad, You have to come visit! We’ll have mountains! And snow!
Dream closely cherished have a way of coming true, baby darling, even when we doubt them. I’m excited for you all.
@Nanna, Thank you. XO
Boy can I relate- funny enough its a situation my husband and I are going through also- we showed my parents the area we’re looking at [in town, smaller older homes] and they were literally horrified. I wish you luck in Memphis. If you drive through Atlanta on your way up, do stop by and say hi!
@Aisha, When I told my dad we were looking at condos because we wanted to have more freedom, he asked why we didn’t just live in a tent. True story. LOL.
Awesome – you’ll be a 14 hour drive from me, instead of a 24 hour drive.
@Karen Sugarpants, It’s all part of my plan to become Canadian one day.
Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate.
Oh, and I’m happy for you guys too.
@Avitable, Believe me, I get it.
Memphis, huh?
do you have your Elvis wig ready?
@Slyde, I do. I didn’t mention the fact that our dreams include making a living at being professional impersonators, did I? Darn.
Squeeee! I’ve so been meaning to e-mail you since I heard about this on Hey! That’s My Hummus! (shameless plug). I’m so thrilled for you.
I completely understand what you’ve been going through. As soon as Mitch retires (under two years), we’re heading out of dodge and looking for a smaller place near culture, etc. too.
Hmmm… Maybe Tariq’s company could use someone with law enforcement experience. I’ve never been to Memphis…
@Megan, Do NOT tease me like that.
As soon as you get all settled in, we *must* have a totally-platonic date. It’s a bit far off for you (3 hrs, just Google Map’d it), but at some point you will find yourself in Nashville. It’s a requirement for living in Tennessee.
It is at this point that you shall tweet me and the prophecy shall be fulfilled.
@Andrew Salman, We are going to be BFFs, I can totally feel it.
::Flabbergasted::
Have fun in Memphis!
@LeSombre, I know, right? Thank you.
Adventure! Yay!
That cuts the drive time to Austin almost in half, so there’s that.
Also from Austin, I suppose, though y’all are the ones wanting to live outside of your house.
I have visions of moving to a condo in town or similar, but not until the kids move out. We haven’t decided if we should wait until they are more settled after college or just jump at the chance as soon as they’re done with high school (6 years away).
@Ren, I’ve always wanted to visit Austin, seems like a very cool place. That’s one of the many aspects that’s exciting me about this opportunity. Tennessee seems much closer to everywhere than Florida. Probably because it is.
We’ve been living a life that isn’t ours for a long time. We’re trying to slowly work our way out. We’re getting there slowly. It’s taking us way longer than 18 months, but thank you for this:
“We dreamed, we held on, we didn’t know how it was going to happen, but, we knew it was going to happen.”
Thanks Faiqa. I really really needed it to the point of tears.
@Kate, Aw, between you and I, it’s been more than 18 months. It’s been 18 months that we’ve been on the same page about it. And that’s all I’m going to say about that here.
I’m so SO happy for you guys, and at the same time, absolutely heart broken that you’ll be leaving. I’ve avoided thinking much about it, but then you had to go and write this. Thanks, jerk.
We will miss you so much. And, I swear, if you don’t call me to hang out when you come into town, I’ll never talk to you again. Wait…that didn’t make a lot of sense. Well, you get it. Anyway, pushing my selfishness aside, I’m insanely happy for you and glad all of your patience and planning has paid off–even if not exactly as you’d planned it. It’s going to be fantastic. Much love!
@Andrea, I am so lucky to have made a friend like you here. You can’t get rid of me that easily.
You captured our last 12 months so well. Its pretty cool (mashaAllah) to see how our plans/dreams materialized…and not because we simply dreamed, but we took small steps along the way to prepare our selves for an outcome like this. I loved reading this post and looking forward to the next part of our journey. love you.
@tariq, yeah, what he said! Except “you guys” in place of “ours” and “we”, obviously. But pretty much the same comment.
Because I love you, too.
@Miss Britt, Pretty much the same response, too. (I love you, too).
@tariq, Thanks, I love you, too.
Wow. Amazing the way life turns out sometimes. Best wishes for your move!
@leanne, Thanks so much!
I said it all on the FB post, I was just curious if people in the comments were equally as supportive as on FB, and they are, so: Carry on!
@Poppy, People are nice, aren’t they?
Memphis? Wow. Congratulations. How soon is the move going to be?
@Karl, Two weeks!! Wait. No, actually, 12 days. Holy crap.
Action.
Adventure.
Happiness.
Of these things I hope you find all.
Please give my regards to the “King” and be sure to pay your fire subscription on time.
Sometimes when you take that leap of faith, you find that solid ground is there, hidden in the clouds.
This is so exciting!
Just wow.
I can’t tell you a whole lot about Memphis because, even though it’s on my list of places to go, I haven’t made it there…yet.
What I *can* tell you about Memphis is that it’s ten hours closer to Chicago than Orlando and, therefore, about $2000 cheaper for me to visit.
And really, that’s the most important thing.
Right?
PS : I guess it’s a good thing you got a crash course in Southern Living, right?
PPS : Seriously though, Memphis is like Chicago….some parts are super nice and everyone wants to live there…..other parts, well, you definitely wouldn’t want to be out at night in, so choose your neighborhood wisely. (Maybe Orlando is like this too? I dunno. And yes, this is probably a “duh” PPS but whatevs. I don’t think you’d go ghetto very well.)
@Sheila, Aaaaand I should’ve read everyone else’s comments first. I hate repeating people. DAMN.
OMG, Now I am really, really excited!!! I live exactly two and a half hours from Memphis, up here in Southern Misery. I could meet you, we could have lunch!
Okay, I’ll stop sounding stalkerish now, but I really am excited that one of my favorite bloggers will be really, really close to me!!
Becca
i miss you. guess i have a reason to check out memphis in the near future.
may your journey be blessed.
You’ve never been??
I hope your new life is everything you want it to be xx
I am curious to hear about how the next chapter of life has taken off. Very much looking forward to the next post.
Faiqa, I’m so happy everything has worked out for you and your family. You will be happy in Memphis or wherever you go because you have a loving, supportive family unit. I’m sad that I never got to meet you in person. I feel like we had so much in common. I’m only 4 hours from Orlando, so perhaps on one of your trips home, we can meet! God Bless, and good luck with the move!
Wow! So exciting! I hope it all goes well for you. Can’t wait to hear the details.
This post was a wonderful example of faith. Sometimes you just have to make a decision and trust the process. That is incredibly brave and amazingly admirable.
I realized the other day that I’ve lived almost as many years outside Florida as I lived in them. I never regretted leaving. Enjoy the “real” South.
I’m way behind in your life, well except for the Hey That’s My Hummus podcast. Congrats on the move and while you will miss those you made friends with there in Orlando, a new set of friends and adventures awaits you in Memphis. A good friend of mine lives Antioch, which I guess is close to Memphis.
My wife talks about moving (she’s lived in Utah her whole life, I’ve been here 21 years) and I get the itch every time we travel (which has been a lot in the last 6 years). Guess we’ll see what happens for us.
I’ve never been to Memphis, but will be sure to let you know if I do for a meet up.