Out of Town
Tariq is out of town for work again.
In an uncharacteristically passive aggressive move, I preemptively blogged on Aiming Low about Tariq’s bathroom habits in an attempt to exact vengeance for being left ALL alone for four WHOLE days.
I found Chex Mix in my sneakers yesterday morning AFTER I put them on, and we also had another Sprite incident last night. N.’s telling me I’m not “acting like her mother these days because I say ‘no’ too much.”
My children are (1) evil geniuses and, most upsetting, (2) outnumber me.
It’s a good thing I pray a lot.
Call the National Guard if you don’t hear from me in a few days. These kids don’t play around.
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Have you listened to the Hey! That’s My Hummus podcast, yet? We talked about American civic ignorance, blood money and the gay kiss on Glee.
17 Responses to Out of Town
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If you ever need me, give me a call and keep in mind that, more often than not, I am in the house with three little evil genius boys!!! I can relate! Yesterday, while Andy was gone, Sloan told me that I was not “acting like I loved him very much!”, because I would not let him have candy 15 minutes before dinner. Cash flushed an entire roll of toilet paper. Luckily, he had unrolled it before placing it in the comode. I guess that wasn’t as fun as he expected it to be, because he then unrolled another roll, putting it in the sink, stopping it up. Luckily, I never let them out of my sight for more than five minutes, so we avoided a flood…barely. Better yet, when I was at school, last week, they got into the master bathroom and sprayed the floor with a combination of tanning oil and Pledge. Andy totally wiped out when he went in there to see why the two little ones were in a “no-no” room. I bet that would have been worth $10000, if we’d caught it on tape! I was sad to see that my ceramic trash can was lost in the incident, however. Both boys were also covered in hairspray, deoderant and lip gloss. Cash had even lip glossed his hair a lovely shade of bronze.
@Windy Greenway, Okay, you win the “Whose kid is more of evil genius contest”.
Did you tell her she’s acting like a hormonal teenager?
No?
YOU WIN MOTHERHOOD.
Well done.
@Miss Britt, We were watching Tangled last night and N. announced *she* wanted to be seventeen years old like Rapunzel… it took everything I had not to say, “Well, you sure ACT like you’re seventeen…”
I have been single parenting since Saturday morning. I too am outnumbered but probably say “yes” more than usual because I’m tired. So very tired. I will try to count my blessings…at least I haven’t had chex mix in my shoes.
@Vikki, I say yes, a lot, too. I say no, however, to stuff like “Can we make a floating light paper lantern” when it’s asked of me at 7:30p.m. In principle, you and I don’t differ much.
You might want to start buying cans of soda or something. Eh- like that would help.
Maybe just pick up some wine, then. And a lot of takeout.
@Sybil Law, Yeah, so he can shake them up and I can get a Sprite shower instead? I prefer sticky floor over sticky hair. Heh.
Come to DC for the weekend.
@Poppy, I love DC. But. I have a soccer game in the morning, am babysitting EVERYONE I know’s children and have a tea party lunch on Sunday. Sigh. DC…
Heh, as I was reading this post, my youngest tried to get down from the dinner table after not eating either his dinner or the requested salad. When I told him firmly, “Go eat your dinner!” he told me, “Mom, you hurt my feelings… by telling me I had to eat dinner.” Kids know which buttons to push, don’t they?
@Allyson, Exactly.
I too am single parenting it for 2 weeks. I laughed about the passive aggressiveness, ha, I can totally relate.
@Dani, It’s hard when it’s not really their fault… and yet the resentment… it burns.
Duct taping them to the wall usually gets you a few hours while they figure out how to get themselves out.
Of course, once one is out, they help the other one along.
@SciFi Dad, Well. Now I know why Tariq says watching the kids for a few hours isn’t that bad. I noticed we were running low on duct tape when I got back from NY last summer.
Cute! As a former teacher I can testify that children are the ultimate manipulators- there is a reason they don’t let them take the bar exam- they’d be frightening!