THE Grocery List
I think very sequentially, so I can’t do two things at once.
I know that discussions now center on how nobody can truly multitask, but my performance is downright poor. Let’s bring it home with this: if you and I are having a conversation in an elevator and I recognize the tune of the elevator music, be assured I’m only picking up about 60% of what you’re saying.
The problem is that being a “homemaker” is the quintessential multitasking job. To compensate for my deficiencies, I’ve developed a finely tuned system of documentation. On the walls of the common space in our home, I have a “Weekly Whiteboard,” a “120 day Calendar,” and a “Blog Calendar.” I also have an assorted inventory of different colors of wet/dry erase markers that further breakdown this system through color codes.
Yes, why, I do know they make pills for this. It works, though, and I’ve created a life that may make me appear to be a control freak, but it’s actually the only way I can function efficiently. I need to know what’s happening, I need to communicate it to others, and I get irritated by talking about mundane crap like what time soccer practice is. To me, this is an ideal solution.
And this weekend I came up with a brilliant device based on a hybrid from these two organizing sites.
I call it “THE Grocery List.”
It’s a typed up piece of paper that’s an inventory of pretty much everything we have in the house sorted by category to make grocery shopping totally efficient and accurate. I slipped the paper in a sheet protector. When it’s time to go grocery shopping, I just use a wet erase marker to cross out the items we have and voila! a grocery list.
I AM TOTALLY BRILLIANT, IS THIS, LIKE, THE BEST.IDEA.EVER.OR.WHAT?
I implemented the system this past weekend, and I noticed that if there isn’t a hard surface under THE Grocery List as I cross things off, the lines end up… well, squiggly. It’s important to note that I also have to cross items off my list as I put them in my cart at the grocery store, otherwise I get confused and forget something. I’m a simple-minded creature, really.
I showed my list to Tariq about fifteen minutes before I left for grocery shopping on Saturday afternoon.
ISN’T IT FANTASSSSTIC?!
His response, “Cool.”
COOL? THIS.IS.BRILLLLLIANT. Four “L’s” accurately conveys how proud I was of myself, I think.
“It’s nice, honey. It’s going to make grocery shopping a lot easier. Good idea.” His eyes have not moved from whatever stupid movie he’s watching. I don’t know, I thought this idea warranted at the very least a hit on the pause button.
My excitement over this grocery list was so incredibly intense that I wasn’t phased one bit by his total lack of insight into the very genius nature of my organization skills.
“The only problem,” I said in the tone of a MIT dropout pitching the next big idea to a room full of venture capitalists, “is that the lines squiggle when I cross them out, so I think I’ll take this clipboard with me. That way the lines won’t squiggle and I can prop up the list.” I mean, I was on a roll here, one incredible idea after another. That’s how genius works, it’s all about momentum, I think.
And this is when the movie got paused and Tariq looked directly at me.
“You’re going to take a clipboard to the grocery store?”
“YES!!”
“No. Please do not take a clipboard to the grocery store.”
“Why? You think it’ll make me look stupid?”
Silence.
I thought for a moment. Look, people always mock what they don’t understand. Scores of geniuses with genius ideas like mine have come up with similarly brilliant concepts only to be laughed at by unwashed masses at the grocery store. At the heart of that ridicule is a deep sense of shame for not having the ability to innovate, create and implement world changing ideas.
I am not making this up. That is the exact, unedited thought that passed through my brain.
Now, Tariq was not only looking at me, he actually scooted a little closer to me on the couch. “You cannot take a clipboard to the grocery store.” The evenness in his voice indicated that this was not, in fact, a request.
I steadied for a defense and said, “People won’t think I’m weird… they’ll be like, wow, that’s so organized, look at the woman, she’s so organized, she’s really serious…”
“SERIOUSLY ILL,” he interrupted. “Listen, I can’t let you take that clipboard to the grocery store for one simple reason. You’re taking N. with you, so the people at the grocery store will know she’s your daughter, right? The next time I go to the grocery store, N will most likely be with me. People will recognize her and say, Oh, look, there’s Crazy Clipboard Lady’s husband. I can’t let this happen.”
Fine. Whatever. Part of being genius is being misunderstood by those who lack vision.
I ended up taking the list without the clipboard.
Between you and me? I think he was just jealous. People could have recognized N. and said, “Look there is the husband of that incredibly brilliant woman whose innovation may have changed the face of grocery shopping as humankind knows it.”
*****
Have you downloaded the latest episode of Hey! That’s My Hummus! ? Last week, Mike and I discussed American civic ignorance, blood money and Glee.
59 Responses to THE Grocery List
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Your third paragraph completed makes me jealous of you, and also, very depressed. I’m
SO not that organized! Man. Okay, now I shall continue reading your post…
And now I’m confused. if the sheet is a printed out piece of paper, how were you using a dry erase on it?
@Loukia, It’s in a clear plastic page protector. I should’ve written “plastic” there.
I used to be lucky to have a receipt in my purse on the back of which I wrote the few essentials we could not live without. Now I’m TRYING to coupon – and with the help of the awesome ladies at Mommy’s Little Shoppers – I actually go to the grocery store with a clipboard AND a three ring binder. But I’m saving like $60/week and cooking real food so all those people staring at my crazy clipboard lady self can just suck-it.
@Cara, LOL… I’m actually GLAD he talked me out of it. It worked fine without the clipboard. Somebody had the idea of slipping cardboard behind the list, I think I’ll do that instead. Congratulations on saving all that money!
Whatever. I was crazy coupon lady for a long time. I say take the clipboard. N will be fine. Tariq will be fine, too—or he can shop in disguise. LOL!
@Andrea, I should pick up a batman outfit for it. Superman wears a mask, so that wouldn’t work. Plus, Batman was richer.
@Faiqa,
i thought clark kent just took off his glasses when he became superman…no mask. get tariq glasses!
I think it’s a fabulous idea. I would almost try it myself except that my husband does 95% of our grocery shopping. (That’s right, I said my husband)!
I say, use Cara’s words and tell Tariq to suck-it. Although that could go very badly or it could take a perverted turn!
@April, Tariq offers to go grocery shopping every.single.time I go, but I find it’s easier if I do it, since I’m the one that prepares the meals, and I get exasperated if I don’t have what I need. In the interest of harmony, I take on both duties. He does clean up and take care of the kids in the evenings, though, so it all evens out.
Are you kidding me? A well organized list -especially for shopping – makes me giddy.
I have printed a list exactly like that from faithful provisions.com, free of course.
It’s in my 3 ring binder, with my meal plan page. And my coupons organized into divided photo pages.
I know, it’s a problem. Really it’s more organized than that but I can here the men in the white coats coming for me, do I’ll cease to elaborate further.
And oh yes, I take it into the store. And oh yes, we get looks.
@Annabelle, I’m working on a binder, too!! Yay! I somehow feel less crazy now.
It IS brilliant!
*I* wouldn’t use it, but I only use lists about half the time.
But lists could be made for trips, moving, etc. TOTAL VACATION ITINERARIES.
Okay, that last one is a joke.
But for realz.
It IS brilliant.
And could probably be modified in the shape of a checkbook – but also BIG type (or the kind you have, now) for the elderly.
See? You should call ME when you get these brilliant ideas!
@Sybil Law, So, this comment leads me to believe that vacation itineraries are kind of crazy? Because, yeah, I do that. I am a nutjob, aren’t I?
I think you are on to something. But instead of BRINGING a clipboard, how about if every shopping cart were equipped with one and you could just attach your piece of note paper to it? Brilllliant!
I want half of what you make from this idea, by the way.
@B.E. Earl, I was just about to tell Faiqa there are in fact shopping carts that have clipboards attached. Not a full sized one, smaller version. It is on the handle and in front of you as you push the cart. Tesco chain in England has them. Now goFaiqa, run, tell your husband! I for one think you would have been famous among your fellow shoppers.
@Stasha, And they are patented in US as well: Shopping cart clipboard and coupon holder
United States Patent 5566609.
@Stasha, Darn it. We were going to be rich.
@Faiqa, That’s OK. If you start patenting random things that embarrass your husband you will one day strike rich. I for one believe in you!
@B.E. Earl, Well, undertaking this project would require another whiteboard, and unfortunately I have no more space left due to the three whiteboards that are already in place. So. Half of zero? Sure, you got it. Check is in the mail.
What if you laminated it and then folded it in thirds like a map? It will be stiffer and still fit in your purse.
See what I did there? Brilliance is contagious!
@Lisa, This is an awesome idea!! Since I started this past Saturday, I noticed there were a few items I forgot, so I had to write them in and then plan in reprinting the list at the end of the month. I think in about two months when the list is totally comprehensive, I may implement your idea of laminating it. Thanks!
I LOVED this post. I can’t even really tell you why, it was funny, it was touching, it was oh-my-god-that’s-me, it was just good.
And that is why I love you Faiqa Khan and your neurotic OCD awesomeness.
I get to say that because I would be the girl that has a LIST of coupons, organized by sections (according to the store layout of course) and then organized by expiry dates and type. Then there is the other grocery list that is synced to the significant other’s PDA (the app is called our groceries), because we might both stop at the store at the same time and it’s real time cross it out or add it and it let’s me be specific if he’s buying. Like not celery but Organic Girl Celery Hearts.
Happy heart.
Happy union.
The End.
@racheal, Thanks, dear. I don’t know why, but I have some kind of mental block when it comes to using software to do my scheduling and organizing. I *need* to physically write the stuff down for some reason.
OMG I just had a stroke of brilliance.
Take it to the UPS store and get it laminated. Ask for the THICK lamination.
It makes it sturdy and dry erase with STRAIGHT LINES.
HURRY!!
RUN!!!
@racheal, GREAT IDEA!!
I’ve had a desire to so something similar but I never implemented. I thought it should be done in excel and the underlying rows hidden for the items you don’t need and then you just print the sheet. It’d be shorter and disposable. Use checkmarks and crossed checkmarks versus lines maybe. Check you need it, x you have it in the cart.
@Valerie, This is an excellent idea, too.
1. Obtain discarded binder from office or other source.
2. Slice vinyl seam to open binder.
3. Extract sturdy cardboard from binder.
4. If necessary, cut down size of cardboard to slightly smaller than 8.5×11″ sheet.
5. Slide cardboard behind paper in plastic sheet protector.
6. PROFIT.
@SciFi Dad, Annnd this is exactly what I’m going to do. As I said, once the list is super finalized (i.e., last week, I forgot to put butter on there so I had to write it in), I’m going to get it laminated. But this? Is a perfect solution. In fact, I could probably do this & the laminating thing.
@Faiqa, Actually, if you do this instead of laminating, you can update the list whenever you want (just print a new sheet) and slide it into the page protector.
@SciFi Dad, True, I had considered this… BUT I WANNA LAMINATE SOMETHING….
This is just another reason of why I love you
But seriously, I could really use some organizational lessons. You would cry (or run in horror) if you saw my desk/bill paying/maybe make a list area.
@Becky, My organizing guru, Julie Morgenstern, writes that the definition of being organized is being able to find stuff. If you can find whatever you’re looking for in under a minute, you’re organized.
Hahahahahahahahaha….this is one of the funniest posts I have EVER read. I felt that there was a message around organization as well in this post? not sure?
Btw…you ARE brilliant…its just that you were disturbing my indie movie experience with the whole ‘plastic over a grocery list’ thing.
@tariq, Indie movie snob. I never thought I would see this day… tujhe iss din ke liya bada kiya hain??!!
My friend Tracy told me about your blog- its hilarious! I love this one because I am the same way with my groceries except I got a smart phone and use google tasks to make my grocery list and cross it off- no squiggly lines ever!
@Aisha, For some reason, I can’t bend my mind around using technology to organize, I get confused. The hilarious part about this, of course, is that I have a Bachelor’s in CompSci. P.S. Thanks for stopping by, surfed your blog and added it to my reader.. it’s great, looking forward to getting to know you!
You *are* brilliant. I try using my wallet as my list surface but I usually wind up just stabbing myself in the hand when it gos flying off the edge of my wallet and through the paper.
I should use a highlighter instead. Then I wouldn’t stab myself *and* I wouldn’t look like a crazy person with a clipboard.
Of course, I’m already the crazy lady with separate transactions and a fist full of coupons so maybe the clipboard would help improve my street cred.
(You like how I called you a genius and a crazy person all at the same time?)
@Sheila, Geniuses are crazy. It’s a fact. Look it up, if you don’t believe me. One of the reasons I’m trying to get organized with the shopping is so I can start using coupons… I don’t want to be THAT woman who is fumbling through her wallet looking for the coupon she KNEW she had… like how I called you THAT woman?
@Faiqa, Nah – I’m not THAT woman because I have a system that involves several oh so classy sandwich bags AND the little sorter thingy in my wallet
I have saved a bajllion dollars in the last month. Seriously – I have a huge stockpile of stuff for when we move into our house – toiletries, cleaning and laundry supplies, all sorts of stuff – for like $125. I’m not going to have to buy shampoo or razors for at least a year. Gotta save the monies so I can retire in two months
There’s an App for that….
@Ren, I said this in a few replies earlier… I have some kind of mental block when it comes to using technology to organize. I mean, I know HOW to use calendars and lists and apps, etc., but for some reason, I’m not consistent. For some weird reason, if I have something handwritten or a printed hard copy, it will get used. If it’s in my phone or laptop, I forget about using the system within ten days or less. There’s probably a diagnosis for that, too.
@Faiqa, perhaps you need an iPad. It’s like a fancy clipboard….
Had to comment as I’ve been thinking of typing up my grocery list and printing it out — though I was thinking of printing a copy each week. Sure beats forgetting those items that you always want to have on hand.
Normally, we just write our list on an index card and then scratch things out with a pen as we place them in the cart. Except this one time when the pen ran out of ink. Then we poked holes in the list with the pen.
@leanne, Hey, the index cards are awesome… that was the previous system in place.
This IS genius!
And I use a universal packing list, which sounds like is a similar concept.
@Miss Britt, Got one of those, too.
I use Evernote online to make up my weekly shopping list. Sorted by store. With notations if I have coupons & if it’s on sale.
I then access said Evernote list in the store via an app on my phone. And I carry a huge plastic container of coupons that just fits the child seat on the shopping cart.
I don’t care if people think I’m crazy. I’m the crazy lady who just saved enough to buy next week’s groceries. =)
You go girl! List away!
@Michelle, I really need to look into this coupon thing.
you are crazy. and need to get out more.
i kid, i kid.
there is nothing wrong with taking a list on a clipboard to the grocery store where people expect to see others with lists. and even if they don’t expect it, fuck em…who cares what strangers in a store think?
@hello haha narf, I know, right?
Ok – so I’ve read you for awhile (courtesy of Miss Britt) but don’t think I’ve ever commented.
This was freakin’ hysterical. So totally reminiscent of a conversation EXACTLY like we would have in our house.
Although to have an organized shopping list AND a husband willing to DO the shopping? Trifecta! (or does a trifecta have to have three things in it?)
(also Leanne’s comment? ‘just poked holes in the list with the pen’ … FUNNY)
@Naomi, I’m glad you commented! I think a trifecta *is* three things… so, he’s handsome. There you go… trifecta!!
Classic. You could have totally rocked the clipboard.
@Nancy [Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas], I know, right? It totally depends on WHO has the clipboard. It’s like… zebra patterned pants. Which I would not rock, but, you know, someone else might. I can’t think of anyone, but I’m sure someone could.
Hilarious! I think the clipboard is a fine idea, although I do see that it might look a little crazy. I am in crazy organization mode right now though so I would totally go with it.
Dudette, we’ve been doing this for years (minus the clipboard part, we’re not insane).
But I did it sorta backwards from you; I mapped and listed all the items found in the grocery store so items can be put on the list in the proper order to minimize the time spent at the store.
I should post about that, so people know I’m a different kind of crazy.
[...] Oh, stop, it’s way less maniacal than it sounds. Okay, not really, it’s totally crazy. You can read about it on my blog. In the dividers, I put takeout menus, coupons and sale fliers. If you have a meal plan, this is [...]