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Special Note: Remember how I only posted once last week?  Well, that post was syndicated on BlogHer’s site today.  Click if you have time, please.

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I’ve been Twittering a lot, lately. Be advised that I have TweetDeck installed on my phone, so if you’re thinking I’m hiding behind my laptop while my children learn to make campfires in the living room, you can just relaaax.

As verbose as I am, I find 140 characters very limiting.  Many of my tweets need notations. A Cliff’s Notes version, if you will, where I tell you exactly what I meant that could not be said in those 140 characters.

Let’s get started.

You should know that I’m planning to take over the world.  I’m already formulating a system of governance and appointing key figures.

In fact, I have even begun to initiate a devious plan to eliminate possible threats to my supremacy, all under the guise of peaceful cultural exchange.

Aside from trying to take over the world, I’m also fulfilling my role as multicultural guru and political correctness maven.

I’ve also let out my inner snob by making grand and sweeping generalizations about how people choose to communicate.

Notice that I did not say, “THAT alone means they are wrong.”

I said reconsideration.

Our species gets into a lot of trouble over this seemingly intrinsic need to view everything in black and white.  If you’re going to support political policies that curtail the rights of certain members of our society, you better have more than a pat little phrase on a bumper sticker at your disposal for a justification.  That’s what I meant.

Speaking of Judgey McJudgerson and political polemics, I also tried to get the Internet on board by instituting higher academic standards regarding all those Ben Franklin quotes we’ve been seeing lately.  This was surprisingly met with a decidedly negative public outcry.

Or maybe not so surprising because I suggested reading something educational.  Oh.  The horror.

Look.

I love quotes from famous people.  I have them on coffee mugs and bookmarks.  I look them up when I’m bored and want to know what Gandhi thought of peanut butter.   I assume since he was a good man with a strong heart that he loved it.

However.

A quote from a founding father is not a valid argument for whether or not gay marriage is okay or whether we can avoid molestation at an airport.  I had a professor once that put it quite aptly when someone mentioned how they thought Thomas Jefferson would feel about gay marriage, “Thomas Jefferson,” he said, “if he were in this room right now, would be playing with the light switch like a two year old.”

Meaning that those men could not even begin to conceive of the dialogues we are having regarding liberty and freedom.  To me, quoting them smacks of political propaganda… in other words, “let’s get everybody all riled up about this issue by invoking the closest thing we have to ‘sacred’ in this country.”

It irritates me even more when someone will quote George Washington, but can’t tell me when the Constitution was ratified.  If you’re going to use history to prove your point, you need to respect it and learn about it, too.  Then?  You can quote whoever you like because you’ve proven with tangible effort that what that person did with their life actually freaking means something to you.

I’m sorry, being an invalid has made me extremely grumpy.

Lest you think I’m just a raging witch on Twitter whose only aim is to make people feel stupid or bad about how they communicate, let me point out that I have been attempting to be productive.  Last night, I drafted a post for Buy Her and was trying to find a feature image for a post I was writing.   And, then, it all went terribly wrong, and I attempted to save the Internet from soul crushing peril.

See, Internet?  I care about you the way your own mother does.  I will tell you all the ways you are wrong and then I will save you from soul crushing disappointment.  What?!  Your mother doesn’t do that? Huh.

Also, I’m not writing a post about Velma from Scooby Doo.  That was one of those things where you start out looking for an image that says, “Holiday gifts,” and end up at a photo of a guy wearing nothing but Mickey Mouse ears going over a waterfall in a barrel.  Don’t even act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.  It’s called “A.D.D.-ing while Googling.”  And, yes, it’s okay for me to joke about A.D.D. because I’m very sure I have it.

So.

There you have it: my “Twitter Cliff’s Notes.”

Oh.  Wait, wait, wait, WAIT…  There are other people who offer deep meaningful contributions to the Internet through Twitter, as well.  I follow nearly 450 of them.

Here’s my favorite from this past week:

She’s right, you know.

P.S. Hope you had a very happy Thanksgiving.  Mine was so bad, I couldn’t even bring myself to Twitter about it.  But, whatever… Im-ma go look at that guy in the barrel, again.