I am not at all above admitting that I’m a little bit of snob.

Back when I first got an iPhone, nobody had an iPhone.

People that I didn’t know would wade across the room to come and look at my phone.  “Wow,” they’d say, “is this an iPhone?  This is so coooool.”

And, I felt cooool.  Yes, my cell phone made me feel cool.

And, then?  Apple decided to make a newer iPhone, and suddenly, I was dated.  Old news.

And, then?  Apple decided to make a newer newer iPhone and suddenly, I was double dated.  Old old news.

It was in those days that I started hating my iPhone, despising it for how uncool it made me feel.  To make matters worse, not only was it dated, but it was making me look stupid.

I could see it in people’s eyes, every time I pulled that old relic out.  Hello, why didn’t you just wait for the new new one to come out?

Moderately cool people just do not understand that very cool people are only very cool because they do not wait for coolness to be thrust upon them, but they go forth and conquer the cool.  The problem is, of course, I’m not so cool that I would discard a perfectly good phone just because there was a newer version out.  Because I love the environment.  Plus, I’m kind of a miser.

So, anyway, I was stupid looking and uncool.

And then ::cue angels singing:: the Android!!

This was my moment for redemption.  I switched providers and got the HTC Desire which is a pretty great phone.  Cool, even.  I love the free apps, the Google friendly functionality and the fact that I can use it as a GPS device.

I also love the scan technology.  I can basically scan UPC codes and do comparison shopping OR it can upload the calories of the food I’m consuming into a calorie counting application.  The possibilities of the scan technology are endless, they say!  But those are the only two I can think of, right now.

Except.

My Android is possessed.  I should have known this was going to happen.  The phone is named Desire.

If I’m trying to Twitter or text, it autocorrects me.  It clearly does not realize that I am not someone who needs autocorrect.  Not only does it autocorrect, it does so with some strange sense of … a personality.

It’s always correcting “Tariq” to “Tariw,” yet it does not correct my name.  Strange.

Also, when I try to type MisterBritt‘s name, which is Jared, it autocorrects to “Hated.”  I have no idea why my Android hates my friend’s husband who is a perfectly nice man that opened almost every door I walked through in NYC.

If I try to type “crap,” it autocorrects to “veal.”  Apparently, it is either a member of PETA or it really dislikes veal.

And, then, it just does annoying stuff like turn “of” into “if,” or “day” into “fay,” or “to” into “ti.”

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TI IS NOT EVEN A WORD.

Anyway.  I’m just going to say it.

I miss my iPhone.

And, no, iPhone mafia, I don’t expect you to take the high road in the comments section.

I know how you people roll.