It’s an odd thing for a woman to navigate and attempt to understand the concept of “manhood.”
For most, at least for me, the journey began when I knew I was having a boy. “How, as a woman, does one teach a boy to be a man?”
This was the first thought that entered my head when I saw that sonogram.
The second was, “I have no idea how to do that.”
Which is funny, because I have a father, I have a brother and I’d been married to a man for almost eight years before I asked myself that question.
Tasked with the job of teaching something I know little about, I looked around for examples. I did not have to search far. He happened to live in the same house. My husband has taught me so much in the past year about what a man is and is not.
A man is not someone who thinks washing dishes is women’s work.
A man is someone who comes home and asks what needs to be done in order to achieve the common goal of running a household.
A man is not someone who refers to watching his own children as “babysitting.”
A man is someone whose eyes reflect that playing, tending to and being affectionate with his own children is his absolute pleasure and honor.
A man is not someone who assumes his superiority resides upon the number of people he can control or manipulate.
A man is someone who offers himself up as a rock, a pillar upon which each person in his family can stand.
A man is not someone who keeps to himself and shuts himself off from the people who love him in a misconstrued plan to be “strong for them.”
A man is someone who expresses his appreciation and displeasure over situations in an open and positive way. Or even less than positive. He, at the very least, says something.
A man is not someone who compares you to others or believes that you are lucky to have him.
A man is someone who knows that because you are strong, kind, beautiful and talented, that you deserve to have him.
A man is not someone who thinks you need protecting because you are weak and less able.
A man is someone who defends you because he knows that his integrity demands that he stand up for what is right.
I no longer worry about teaching my son what it is to be “a man.” He can play with dolls or trucks, it doesn’t matter. He can play sports or read books. He can wear pink or black or whatever.
It doesn’t matter, I’ll love him no matter what.
All I really want for him to do, though? Is be a lot like his dad. Because his dad is a “man” in every single way that counts.
Happy birthday to the two the beautiful men in my life.
( Photo courtesy of www.twitter.com/jamietamm )
That’s beautiful Faiqa. Your husband sounds like a wonderful man.
@Black Belt Mama, He really is a wonderful man, husband and father.
Amazing. : )
@Kim, Thanks. Now, who the F*$# are you, again? Haha. I’m never going to let that go, FYI.
What a lovely post!
@Janelle, Thanks.
He is, however, lucky to have you to.
@Dave2, Heh, it’s true and he knows it.
Powerful piece. I know a lot of folks who need to read it and I shall be forwarding the link on. So well written, my dear Faiqa.
And what a tremendous photo! Just gorgeous.
Happy birthday indeed!
@hello haha narf, They are just gorgeous, aren’t they?
Wow. That was awesome.
And happy bday to both the awesome boys err..men.
P.S. Ur hubby looks someone I have met somewhere.(In a good way, ofcourse. Maybe its my Indian gene.:P)
@Jina, Well, he *did* have a Bollywood stint, but we try not to talk about that… KIDDING.
Well said and totally applauded. Hear hear.
@Michael Melchor, Thanks!
Wonderful post, and happy birthday to those two handsome men!!
@Becca, Thanks, they’re both very inspiring.
Happy Birthday to both of you!
(I never knew that your husband and son shared a birthday; you probably mentioned it and I forgot though. That’s pretty cool.)
@SciFi Dad, They do have the same birthday… and N.’s is 8 days later. August is a busy month for this family. As is November.
A man can also belch the alphabet, if I understand Larry the Cable Guy correctly.
Happy birthday, guys!
@Avitable, They can both totally do that. In two languages.
*sniff sniff*
I am so, so honored to know your husband. He really is a shining example of what a man can be.
And that picture? Be still my heart! Imma eat that baby tomorrow whether he likes it or not!!!
Happy Birthday to them both!!!
@Miss Britt, He is a wonderful man, just like that guy you’re married to.
When adding up the ingredients to what makes up a man…a good man, a fantastic mother is usually included in there somewhere.
@B.E. Earl, It’s true, my mother in law is pretty fantastic… as am I.
Happy birthday!
Excellent observations, Faiqa. But you missed the one about “men know when to stay silent.”
This is an often overlooked one.
@RW, And all too important.
Happy Birthday to both your handsome guys!
Your little one has a wonderful example of what a real man is. Everything you said is absolutely spot on. You chose well (as did he, of course!).
@Finn, Thanks.
<3
@nancy,
You, too.
What a great post, picture and family!
I can’t believe that little boy has gotten so big so fast!
@Ren, It’s amazing how fast they grow, as you well know, I’m sure.
Happy Birthday, indeed, to those two gorgeous males!!!
Love the picture and this post!!!
@Sybil Law, Thanks.. they are pretty gorgeous.
Happy Birthday to your two handsome men.
Beautiful post.
My husband is a man and you just made me appreciate him more, thank you.
@J from Ireland, Awww, I’m glad you’re husband is all of these things, too.
Awww, happy birthday to those dudes. A great tribute.
I was reminded of one of my favorite stories from this post. I once took my oldest, then she was a year old, to the grocery store. The bagger lady said “Oh, Dad’s babysitting today.” Without batting an eye or skipping a breath I looked her in the eye and responded “No, I’m parenting today.” She didn’t say another word.
So WHEN ARE WE PLAYING GOLF????? Sheesh!
@Hockeymandad, I just heard that you never got my email in which i had indicated some dates and times for playing. I just thought you forgot to respond. In any case, once Ramadan is over, let’s definitely at least play Magnolia. Btw…nice story!
@tariq, @Hockeymandad I love that story!!! Also, we’re totally doing this golf thing, and Angie and the girls are going to hang out at our place while we wait for you and it’s going to be awesome and we’re going to be BFFAE… and, am I getting ahead of myself? Probably.
Perfectly said. I hope they had a wonderful birthday. I miss them and you so much. Y looks so big in that picture. It’s been too long.
@Traci, We miss you, too.
If we were still friends, I’d write about how great this is and how I wish these dudes a happy birthday!
@muskrat, We are STILL friends. I have photos from August 5-8 that suggest that staying friends with me would be in your best interest. Not really. I forgot my camera. But, I have a photographic *memory*… Sigh. I got nothing.
thank you EVERYONE for the birthday wishes! I appreciate the fact that you took the time to leave these wonderful comments.
And to Faiqa: You make me WANT to be a good father and husband. I am blessed to have you in my life. You are a beautiful, intelligent, and loving wife and mother and I love you.
@tariq, Love, love, love you. You’re the best friend, husband, dad, Indian-American EVER. Heh.
Here here!
@Alecia,
Thanks!
This is so beautiful – as are your men. I wish I had had such wonderful role modelling for my son, but Tariq and men like him are role models for every mother’s sons.
@Nanna, Aw, thanks, he really did enjoy his special birthday dance, don’t let his wide eyed stare fool you… he loved every minute of it.
This is really beautiful, and oh so true.
@Kellee, Thanks!
What a great post. Happy birthday to the two males.