Television for People Who Don’t Watch Television
Someone: Did you see blah-di-blah-blah on TV last night?
Me: Oh, no. I don’t watch TV.
Looong silence.
And, yes, I do say it with an air of superiority. Not on purpose, of course, those who know me personally will not be surprised and can attest to the fact that I say, “Excuse me, I need to use the restroom” in that same tone.
Technically, I do watch television. I’ve got a NetFlix account and I usually rent TV shows from there and watch them.
I tried to explain this to Britt once by saying I do this because I don’t like commercials because I object to being sold something while I’m trying to relax and besides watching television is just not that important. She countered with, “Or you could say that you love television sooo much that you won’t even tolerate a two minute interruption.” Those of you who know her personally should not be surprised by that.
Before I tell you what I like/watch, it’s probably best to explain what makes me not watch a television show.
1. I hate reality TV. Like, hate hate.
2. Game shows are stupid. Yes, even Jeopardy.
3. I will not watch a television show whose characters or events demand the same amount of emotional energy as people in my every day real life. This is why I stopped watching LOST. I found myself in turmoil at the end of every.single.episode. In my real life, I can’t wait more than five minutes for closure to any type of conflict. There is no way I’m going to wait an entire week or OhmyGod an entire summer before I find out if Sawyer ends up killing Jack. (Please tell me he did. Lie to me if you have to.)
4. Generic family based sitcoms with stand up comedians as moms or dads. I like George Lopez and D.L. Hughley just fine, but I find it highly unlikely that either of them can discipline their children without dropping an F-bomb once ever ten minutes. The lack of believability just makes it unfunny to me.
So. Without further ado. And if by some miracle, or temporary physical incapacity, you haven’t clicked away yet…
“Television for People Who Don’t Watch Television”
Some of these titles (okay, I’ll put stars on them) are no longer “new” and are therefore available in their entirety on NetFlix.
- 30 Rock. Alec Baldwin is amazingly funny and one of the finest comedic actors of our time. This more than makes up for the fact that he was married to that strange woman from Batman. Just say not to silicone, people.
- Glee. Me likey da’ Journey.
- Modern Family. They sure are.
- King of the Hill*. That boy ain’t right.
- Law & Order: Any Iteration Thereof. I love the closure. In just one hour, someone gets victimized, someone else gets caught and we all realize how screwed up our justice system really is.
- True Blood. Vampires living in rural Louisiana. What, I ask you, is NOT wonderful about this concept?
- Battlestar Galactica.* Ugh, the new one, obviously. I’m not a dork, you know.
- Buffy*, Angel* and anything else by Joss Whedon except Dollhouse* which was totally dumb.
I’m also going to look into watching Madmen and Parks and Recreation. I don’t even know if I got those titles right, that’s how superior I am.
Do you have any suggestions? Also, I’m curious how much television do you watch every day?
You know, so I can quantify exactly how much better I am than most people. Heh.
26 Responses to Television for People Who Don’t Watch Television
Leave a Reply Cancel reply
-
Articles
- February 2012
- January 2012
- December 2011
- November 2011
- October 2011
- September 2011
- August 2011
- June 2011
- May 2011
- April 2011
- March 2011
- February 2011
- January 2011
- December 2010
- November 2010
- October 2010
- September 2010
- August 2010
- July 2010
- June 2010
- May 2010
- April 2010
- March 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
- December 2009
- November 2009
- October 2009
- September 2009
- August 2009
- July 2009
- June 2009
- May 2009
- April 2009
- March 2009
- February 2009
- January 2009
- December 2008
- November 2008
- October 2008
- September 2008
- August 2008
- July 2008
- May 2008
- April 2008
- February 2008
- January 2008
- December 2007
-
Meta
I’ll watch most of the shows you watch, and honestly – I don’t watch much television, either. I don’t even turn it on for background noise, mostly because I listen to music or love the quiet.
Dexter. You have to see Dexter!
Ok so I will tell you, I watch a lot of tv. However, because I hate commercials, we dvr everything and fast forward. You and I actually watch almost the exact same stuff. You should totally order Madmen, it’s great!! Also, we watch CSI and CSI New York, they can be fun but sometimes are really boring. I love True Blood and Glee, those are my faces!!
If I tell you why I don’t do something please don’t ever revisedly tell me how I should tell the next person why I don’t do something. You will see my icy dagger “I think I know best why I don’t do something, THANKS” stare in reply. Poor Robin and Rachel have witnessed this. So has Dawg, but he signed up for it when he signed the lease.
That said, I was babysat by television so my brain is actually built around it. Sad but true.
The things I should enjoy about TV are the things I don’t, like proper news programs, innocent sporting events, programs about animals eating each other.
True Blood Rules. Too bad BSG is over, but Caprica, its “predecessor”, is even better.
I recommend the following:
House,MD -Brilliant Dr. sharing the “love”
Burn Notice- What’s a Spy to do…
Royal Pains- A Dr. who makes mansion calls?
Snake & Bacon- If you can find it.
Masterminds- Sometimes,Crime really does pay.
How it’s Made- Just Facinating!
Tru TV- the old Court TV- will feed your L&O addiction
Pawn Stars- Informative
American Pickers-Same.
In case you’re Wondering, how can I watch all that without commercials? Let me tell you about Tivo, or better yet, just go into Best Buy, most of the big box retailers or online & I think getting Tivo will solve your commercial & viewing problems. Just set it to record & watch any or all of it when You want & Fast Forward through the commercials! Take My Advice- I’m Not using it:-)
@yknot, I am ashamed that I forgot Royal Pains on my list.
I am JUST like you. I don’t like TV either. Unless I am going to learn something, I like to learn things on those nerdy history/science channels. As far as network shows go though? I have a very select list. I mainly avoid shows that require commitment. I did watch Lost because I got stuck and had to have closure. Before that The West Wing had me sucked in because of the great writing. Comedies mostly all suck, but I do like the Office, 30 Rock, Modern Family, and The Big Bang Theory even with the awful laugh track. I hate laugh tracks. Forget dramas, cop shows, lawyer shows, and doctor shows. They’re all the same to me. True Blood is pretty good and Glee entertains me sometimes.
I’ve never seen Buffy, Battlestar, Angel, or Law & Order. See above about commitment and cop shows.
Reality TV? Pishaw, none of that stuff is reality.
I hate watching commercials so I tape everything to DVR — even if could be watching the show live. The exception to this is early morning reruns of any of the L&O. Because yes, I watch all of the L&O shows. And NCIS — on demand. Not sure if I’ll be doing L&O:LA in the fall though. I also absolutely love Mad Men. I watch a lot of TV but like I said from recording and some shows get fast forwarded a lot. I’m partial to cable shows — The Closer, In Plain Sight, Burn Notice, Psych, and White Collar are the ones that come to mind immediately.
South Park when I remember it’s on. But mostly Top Chef, Anthony Bourdain and stuff on the Science Channel when they’re on about the 11th dimension and string theory and stuff. And football in the fall/winter. I like Antiques Roadshow too but they don’t have enough episodes and go to reruns real fast. Then of course I drink a whole lot have have six or seven shows running in my head but they’d have to be on HBO because of the language. No serials, no comedies, no detective crap or teenage angst. I was a Twin Peaks fan when it was on. And Turner plays silent movies on Sunday night and people should really check those out sometimes. That’s about it. Then it’s reading or getting drunk some more.
Big Bang Theory
The Middle (on before Modern Family)
Sparticus (Starz original)
Big Love (HBO)
House
Sons of Anarchy
These, True Blood and Modern Family are about all I watch. Unless it’s reruns of West Wing, All In The Family, Golden Girls, Will and Grace or Fraiser.
Big Bang Theory
The Middle (on before Modern Family)
Sparticus (Starz original)
Big Love (HBO)
House
Sons of Anarchy
These, True Blood and Modern Family are about all I watch. Unless it’s reruns of West Wing, All In The Family, Golden Girls, Will and Grace or Fraiser.
It’s interesting that you mentioned Joss Whedon: For the past decade and change, Mrs. Shiny and I had never watched a single episode of Buffy. But now that Netflix is available with live streaming on the Wii, we’ve decided to plow through the whole catalog this summer. So far we’re six hours into it and it hasn’t disappointed.
I would suggest that you log time with “The Mentalist” on CBS. Yes, it might be slightly character driven, but each show wraps up nicely in an hour, and the lead character is possibly one of the most interesting out there with his manipulative crime-solving skills.
I’m right there with a lot of yours…
30 Rock is my favorite network comedy.
I LOVE Law and Order, LOVE IT! Devastated when it finished this spring.
Modery Family is great!
You must try The Middle, which is on right before or after Modern Family.
I like a lot of the hbo/showtime dramedies. Hung, Entourage, Weeds, Nurse Jackie…a lot of fun.
I have to admit though that I am a reality show nut. I know it’s awful, I know it! It’s like a train wreck though…I just can’t help it.
Grrr…before I comment on what shows I watch, please tell me that you gave Dollhouse a proper chance. Please don’t tell me you stopped watching it midway thru Season 1. Please tell me you saw Epitaph 1…the Season 1 finale that wasn’t shown on FOX, but only on the DVD. Please, please, please.
Because Season 2 kicked very much ass.
Well I am the total opposite to you. I love telly. I have sky+(I think its like your tivo) so I record all my favourite programmes and watch them when the kids go to bed or when they just leave me alone. I love all the programmes you mentioned but I simply love reality shows. I am actually a bit embarrassed to mention this in public but its t’internet so its ok, right?
I think you are highly intelligent therefore your brain can’t take the useless shite on the telly whereas I am not, therefore I am entertained by such shite telly!!
You need to watch Veronica Mars. Come over for lunch someday and I’ll put the pilot episode on, and just see if you want to keep watching.
I love TV because I can lose myself easily in just about ANYthing. That being said, I rarely get obsessed with TV. If I want to relax, I turn on the TV and DVR and see what’s on. But I can’t tell you exactly what I watch or what someone else should watch or what I just. can’t. miss. If it’s in front of me, I love it. If it’s not, meh.
COMMUNITY! It’s much better than Parks & Rec, 30 Rock, and Modern Family. It’s my favorite and we have similar taste. Also Tivo would do the same thing as netflix-no commercials.
My reasons for not having cable…the monopolistic way in which cable companies control the consumer is downright irritating. Its anti-capitalism and they should have to watch an hour of 80s hindi everyday as punishment
@tariq, Please add the word “movies” after “hindi” in my comment above…
@tariq, 1980′s hindi movies… the high-pitched squealing, the top end octave only known on Neptune, the vocal gymnastics, the cloying, drama-ridden, ultra-obvious appeals to base sentimentalism…
…wait, was I talking about 1980′s hindi movies or American Idol…
nevermind…
The only shows I’m “emotionally vested” in are One Tree Hill, Glee, and – now you’re really going to hate me….16 & Pregnant and Teen Mom. I know, I know. I thought it was stupid until one day I accidentally watched it.
When I have time I like to watch NCIS and Criminal Minds….I used to watch them weekly but then I started having nightmares so I only indulge on occasion.
I just wish I had the opportunity to watch tv – when I do it’s on DVR a week or so later.
Except for Glee. Nothing but bleeding children gets in the way of Glee. I know.
Oh – and ::cough:: I’ll stop what I’m doing to watch iCarly and Big Time Rush ::cough::.
NCIS, Criminal Minds and How I Met Your Mother are the only things I watch with consitency. I just don’t spend much time watching tv anymore.
If you haven’t experienced the brilliance of How I Met Your Mother get it from netflix. Start at the beginning. Right now…do eeet! It’s legen….wait for it….DARY.
NCIS, Criminal Minds and How I Met Your Mother are the only things I watch with consitency. I just don’t spend much time watching tv anymore.
If you haven’t experienced the brilliance of How I Met Your Mother get it from netflix. Start at the beginning. Right now…do eeet! It’s legen….wait for it….DARY.
Aww, why didn’t you like Dollhouse? I’m still so sad that show is over. I still say a lot of people didn’t watch it because it’s easier to watch mindless reality TV than it is to follow an actual series.
And speaking of reality TV, blegh!
The Wire is my favorite show, and Six Feet Under is up there, too.
I’m a complete Mythbusters geek. Science! Questions answered! No cliffhangers! And a guy with a bushy ‘stache and a beret! What more could you want?
Nothing, I tell you.