Someone: Did you see blah-di-blah-blah on TV last night?

Me: Oh, no.  I don’t watch TV.

Looong silence.

And, yes, I do say it with an air of superiority.  Not on purpose, of course, those who know me personally will not be surprised and can attest to the fact that I say, “Excuse me, I need to use the restroom” in that same tone.

Technically, I do watch television.  I’ve got a NetFlix account and I usually rent TV shows from there and watch them.

I tried to explain this to Britt once by saying I do this because I don’t like commercials because I object to being sold something while I’m trying to relax and besides watching television is just not that important.  She countered with, “Or you could say that you love television sooo much that you won’t even tolerate a two minute interruption.” Those of you who know her personally should not be surprised by that.

Before I tell you what I like/watch, it’s probably best to explain what makes me not watch a television show.

1. I hate reality TV.  Like, hate hate.

2. Game shows are stupid.  Yes, even Jeopardy.

3. I will not watch a television show whose characters or events demand the same amount of emotional energy as people in my every day real life.  This is why I stopped watching LOST.  I found myself in turmoil at the end of every.single.episode.  In my real life, I can’t wait more than five minutes for closure to any type of conflict.  There is no way I’m going to wait an entire week or OhmyGod an entire summer before I find out if Sawyer ends up killing Jack.  (Please tell me he did.  Lie to me if you have to.)

4. Generic family based sitcoms with stand up comedians as moms or dads.  I like George Lopez and D.L. Hughley just fine, but I find it highly unlikely that either of them can discipline their children without dropping an F-bomb once ever ten minutes.  The lack of believability just makes it unfunny to me.

So.  Without further ado.  And if by some miracle, or temporary physical incapacity, you haven’t clicked away yet…

“Television for People Who Don’t Watch Television”

Some of these titles (okay, I’ll put stars on them) are no longer “new” and are therefore available in their entirety on NetFlix.

• 30 Rock.  Alec Baldwin is amazingly funny and one of the finest comedic actors of our time.  This more than makes up for the fact that he was married to that strange woman from Batman.  Just say not to silicone, people.
• Glee. Me likey da’ Journey.
• Modern Family.  They sure are.
• King of the Hill*. That boy ain’t right.
• Law & Order: Any Iteration Thereof.  I love the closure.  In just one hour, someone gets victimized, someone else gets caught and we all realize how screwed up our justice system really is.
• True Blood.  Vampires living in rural Louisiana.  What, I ask you, is NOT wonderful about this concept?
• Battlestar Galactica.* Ugh, the new one, obviously.  I’m not a dork, you know.
• Buffy*, Angel* and anything else by Joss Whedon except Dollhouse* which was totally dumb.

I’m also going to look into watching Madmen and Parks and Recreation.  I don’t even know if I got those titles right, that’s how superior I am.

Do you have any suggestions?  Also, I’m curious how much television do you watch every day?

You know, so I can quantify exactly how much better I am than most people.  Heh.