I am at a complete loss in terms of formulating a coherent post. Complete. Loss.
Mostly, I have these random thoughts flutter through my head and I think about writing them down, but I’ve got a baby in one arm, prepping dinner with the other hand while playing a last minute game of hide and seek with a four year old.
By the time I sit down to write… poof…. inspiration gone.
I was going to write a post about choices.
I’ve noticed something about the way people view choice. Whether it’s the mommy wars or religion, people invest heavily in their choices, and, of course, it should be that way. A choice is a reflection of priorities, values and beliefs, so it makes sense that one would cling to them fiercely.
Still, I wonder why people make tearing down the “other” an integral part of their choice making process. I find that a lot of people think that the rightness of their choice depends heavily on the diminishment of someone else who has chosen differently. I feel like a lot of times that’s completely inappropriate and just adds unnecessary negativity into the mix. Plus, just because someone else might be wrong, it doesn’t make you any more right. Leave them alone. Live your life.
Then, I was going to write about competition. Now that I have two kids, I notice myself comparing them, a lot. I’m careful, of course, not to value one set of behaviors over another. A few weeks ago, I was watching a mother purposely referee an eating match between her kids. What’s the point of that? I grew up like that, and I think I spent so much time competing with my brother that I missed out on a lot of years where we could have just been friends. I believe that sibling rivalry is a nurture issue. I think siblings want to get along. In the end, I think some parents force siblings to compete… and for what? Love? That’s just, well, awful.
Love is not a prize to be won. It’s a gift.
I also have to post photos of my baby. I will do this in the very, very near future. Just know that he’s cute. So very cute. And sweet.
Does anyone watch True Blood? Sookie Stackhouse gets on my nerves. What is it with chicks who fall in love with vampires that makes me want to punch them in the face? I think it’s because they symbolize all the women out there who knowingly make bad choices when they know it’s all going to end badly. I just want to grab them by the shoulders and say, “You know better… you know that you know better… I don’t care if he’s 140 years old and could write my Master’s thesis because he was actually there… he’s a vampire. Hello.”
I love snackiepoo. I really, really do. You know how people walk around quoting Saturday Night Live? I don’t have TV, so I walk around quoting her. “Somebody in this room is upset and it’s the pretty one.” Genius.
How do you tell your brown skinned daughter that there’s something off about her wanting to be Snow White for Halloween? You don’t. You just suck it up and remember when you were her age, you wanted to be Snow White and distinctly remember your parents making a joke about it to you. And you realize how lucky your daughter is that you’re her mom.
So, these are the things I’ve been meaning to write about, but haven’t.
Posted by Faiqa on October 28, 2009 10:34 pm • Seriously. I Have No Clue. About Anything. • 37 comments
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SciFi Dad Said,
October 29, 2009 @ 8:21 am
First, this post reminded me of the Simpsons episode where Bart and Lisa are on opposing hockey teams and Homer encourages them to “fight for your parent’s love”.
Then, it reminded me of those “No Fear” shirt slogans about competition, like “Second place is the first loser” or “Nobody cares whether or not you tried your best if you win”.
Then I got tired and needed a nap.
Finally, I think letting your daughter be Snow White shows her that fictional literary characters can be whoever we imagine them to be, and that there’s nothing wrong with it. (If you want to see something wrong with Halloween costumes, see Noah Cyrus.)
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Faiqa Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 10:41 am
@SciFi Dad, Did you see the MetroDad post where he dressed his daughter up as an underage Olympic athlete? That was awesome. Maybe I should motivate her to dress up as a child labor camp worker sewing soccer balls for 10cents an hour? Now, *that* is wrong. On another note, we always quoted that “Second place is first loser” thing around my home when I was growing up. Even more wrong.
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SciFi Dad Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 10:43 am
@Faiqa, even better: a call center operator named “Phyllis”.
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Hilly Said,
October 29, 2009 @ 8:34 am
Awww, I am flattered that you like quoting me. It makes my insides all squishy and I’m about to do a snoopy dance right now!
As for your daughter being Snow White, I’ve often wanted to be Foxy Brown for Halloween so yanno, it’s all about the fantasy of the costume. I think it is great that you just let her be Snow White and thusly be herself.
Apparently “thusly” is not a word. Apparently, I also don’t care!
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Faiqa Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 10:43 am
@Hilly, FOXY BROWN!! I cannot believe I didn’t think of that for Adam’s party. Thusly is too a word. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.
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Avitable Said,
October 29, 2009 @ 8:43 am
I think it’s healthy to have a little competition between siblings, but nothing like what you and I both experienced in our respective families.
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Faiqa Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 10:44 am
@Avitable, Yeah, I guess so. I just feel like I want to avoid it because it can all go so horribly wrong.
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Sarcastica Said,
October 29, 2009 @ 8:53 am
I just had a hell of a time trying to comment this post lol. It wouldn’t let me continue typing out my comment in your box (sounds wrong, I know…moving on). It just froze or something.
Anyways, first of all I has a question! How do you know what goes on in True Blood if you don’t have TV hehe? And
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Sarcastica Said,
October 29, 2009 @ 8:55 am
it happened again for crapsake.
You’re an amazing mom, PS. and I’m going make this one quick although there was more I wanted to say because I’m afraid it’ll freeze or whatever
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Faiqa Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 10:45 am
@Sarcastica, Thanks! I don’t know what is up with my blog today. The post wasn’t even *here* earlier today… and, yeah, I watch pirated videos of True Blood, plus Season 1 is out on DVD!
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whall Said,
October 29, 2009 @ 9:00 am
I dare you to vote Palin in 2012.
(you do lazy posts; I do lazy comments)
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Faiqa Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 10:46 am
@whall, I triple dog dare you with a cherry on top to campaign for The One’s reelection in 2012. I’ll tell you what, you campaign for him and I will vote Palin. Deal?
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whall Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 10:49 am
@Faiqa, Whew. I’m glad you didn’t specify *which* reelection in 2012. I’ll gladly “cross the aisles” and vote for him in the Democratic Primary to ensure he’s the one set up for the fall in the General Election.
PS: you forgot to capitalize “Him”.
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Faiqa Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 10:57 am
@whall, Wow. You and I think so alike it scares me. My plan was to vote for her in the Primary, too. Maybe I *am* a Republican… excuse me, I have to go bleach my hands for typing that.
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Bre Said,
October 29, 2009 @ 9:08 am
I happen to like “lazy posts”! (My attention span can sometimes be that of a 5-year-old)
Love these snippets especially:
” also have to post photos of my baby. I will do this in the very, very near future. Just know that he’s cute.” HA!
“How do you tell your brown skinned daughter that there’s something off about her wanting to be Snow White for Halloween? You don’t. You just suck it up and remember when you were her age, you wanted to be Snow White and distinctly remember your parents making a joke about it to you. And you realize how lucky your daughter is that you’re her mom.” THIS is the kind of mom I want to be!!
And this should be a bedtime prayer:
“Love is not a prize to be won. It’s a gift.”
Thank you for inspiring us today, Faiqa!
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Faiqa Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 10:47 am
@Bre, Aww, thanks Bre, I try.
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Miss Britt Said,
October 29, 2009 @ 9:26 am
Mmmm…. baby.
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Faiqa Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 10:47 am
@Miss Britt, Yes. I hear brown babies are more delicious than white ones, too.
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Miss Britt Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 11:00 am
@Faiqa, they are!! It’s the special seasoning in your fancy lotion!!!
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Finn Said,
October 29, 2009 @ 9:29 am
Where to begin? I have no idea, so I’ll just say, YES! to this whole post. And Me, Too.
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Faiqa Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 10:48 am
@Finn, You and I should just write a program that automatically leaves that comment on each other’s blogs.
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Ren Said,
October 29, 2009 @ 10:49 am
It’s probably obvious but I’ll say it anyway. I think that when people criticize choices different from their own is simply a manifestation of their own fear that they’ve made the wrong choice.
Also, I can corroborate the cuteness of Baby Y.
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Faiqa Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 9:31 am
@Ren, It is obvious, but nevertheless very astute. I appreciate the corroboration.
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Deepa Agrawal Said,
October 29, 2009 @ 11:32 am
Faiqa, I truly agree with you on sibling rivalry topic. I grew up in shadow of my older brother, being compared to him all the time. No matter how good I was, I was always told that my brother is better than me. I know what it can do to you if you are being compared all the time. Every child needs to grow without being compared to anyone else.
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Faiqa Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 9:32 am
@Deepa Agrawal, So true & thanks for stopping by and commenting on the actual site!
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Sybil Law Said,
October 29, 2009 @ 5:37 pm
I didn’t have any sibling rivalry or competition – I seriously always thought I was just better than my brother! Haha! But really – he was WAY smarter, but also bipolar (well, we found out later but he was nutso a lot) and he got caught at stuff all the time. I learned how to be sneaky from him, so there’s that, I guess.
Anyway, of course N can go as Snow White! It’s when she wants to go out as Britney that you have to come up with reasons other than “uneducated skanky bitch” to tell her why it’s a bad idea, that it sucks.
Then again, my daughter and her friends are going as KISS this year, so I am for almost anything.
Snackiepoo is the ultimate quotable chick, fo sho.
I will never understand people berating anyone else for their choices. It’s life – we each have one, so live it according to what feels right, and be nice to others. Simple, but true.
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Faiqa Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 9:32 am
@Sybil Law, KISS!! That is so awesome… your daughter is so cool.
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Becca Said,
October 29, 2009 @ 7:05 pm
Faiqa, first I totally agree on the whole sibling competition bullshit! It was very bad in my family, and I still don’t know who won. I just know I feel left out all the time, oh well!
Second, I like being competative however I don’t think I am ever mean about it. I just like to compete in things where my brain is involved. If I can think about the answer I can beat almost everyone around me. Except all my bloggy friends of course, you all sound smarter than me.
I am so happy you are letting her be Snow White. We have a brown skinned child in our family, and I spend half my life trying to convince her it is ok to be hispanic or latina or whatever she wants to call half-peruvian and half-incan, btw what do you call that? I can never get it right!!
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Faiqa Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 9:35 am
@Becca, Competition when used appropriately, I suppose, can make people perform better… I’m definitely not one of those people who don’t believe in giving out awards for first place or anything… And, I do have to admit that my brother and I benefited a lot from trying to be the best at everything. I guess what I mean is that I wish my parents had realized that *nobody* is the best at everything. And that they’re children each possessed unique talents – so, it was unrealistic to foster competition between us on every level.
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Becca Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 10:49 pm
@Faiqa, I totally agree, I think C and I have tried to teach ours that the competition is not between each other. But…we do tend to do a lot of “it’s us against the world” type of competing. I hope that is not just as bad.
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Faiqa Reply:
October 31st, 2009 at 8:27 am
@Becca, Honestly? I think that’s more of the world’s deal than yours. In any case, you’re fine, of course.
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Kimberly Said,
October 30, 2009 @ 1:44 am
Glad to see you, even if it’s lazy.
I’m not a vampire show person either, but I am the epitome of someone who falls for “bad boys”. He’s totally wrong for me? I’ll take him! But I’m not quite as annoying as sookie because I fully admit that this is a flaw in my personality.
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Faiqa Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 9:36 am
@Kimberly, Exactly! The most annoying thing about Sookie is that she doesn’t realize how crazy she is.
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hello haha narf Said,
October 30, 2009 @ 12:25 pm
please post or send photos of n as snow white. that child is simply stunning and i would love to see her all dressed up for halloween.
kids naturally compete, but for parents to push that competition to crazy levels is jacked up. winning feels good, but i never questioned my parents love if i wasn’t perfect. sheesh!
totally off topic(s), but can i get the recipe for those lentils that i ate two helpings of? no, i’m not going to cook (don’t be crazy), but my aunt said she would make them for me. faiqa, those were the best damn lentils that i have ever had. MUST consume them again. soon.
love to you!
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Shane Said,
November 1, 2009 @ 6:31 pm
I can’t figure out whether I like True Blood. I wanted to get into it, b/c I loved Alan Ball’s Six Feet Under so much. The first episode seemed kind of lame, but the whole twisted Southern Gothic shape-shifting thing seems interesting. And Frank Sobotka from the Wire seems to be popping up.
It’s just such a time investment to get into a new series. Too many others I also want to watch.
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tariq Said,
November 2, 2009 @ 12:20 pm
i think we need to invest in a ‘wireless network integrated voice to text converter’. This will allow you to speak your next blog post which will then be transmitted into your laptop and saved as a document, while you cook dinner, hold Y in one hand, and play hide-seek with N!
Ofcourse, the other option is that i start making dinner!
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Slyde Said,
November 3, 2009 @ 12:12 pm
for the record, i would say your little one could be Snow White, or Prince Charming, or CHaka Khan, or whatever her little heart wants to be for halloween
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