Saw Harry Potter on Wednesday. I’m meaning to write a review defending my stance that I didn’t like the movie at some point, but, until then, I’d like to discuss something else that I saw during the movie.
Being vastly superior in our planning skills to those who waited to find seating five minutes before the movie, we sat at a comfortable distance from the screen at the very end of our row. The end of the row, as far as I’m concerned is prime seating because, hi, I’m about to have a baby and I have to use the bathroom every three minutes.
A (presumably) father with his two kids, about seven and nine decided they were going to sit in the seats next to me.
The two seats next to me.
They were really polite, saying the requisite, “Excuse me… sorry…” as we all engaged in that scrunch up your legs and move sideways little jig that those of us who are awesome enough to occupy the end seats have come to know and love.
Here’s a math equation.
How do three people sit in the two seats next to me at Harry Potter?
Answer: The nine year old sits down, dad sits down and then seven year old sort of shares the seat with his dad and brother for the next two hours and forty five minutes.
Personally, I thought it was really nice that they would rather be together than comfortable.
Oh, wait, did I mention that on the other side of them were two people, an empty seat and, then, two more people?
Did you read that? An empty seat.
The woman who was sitting next to the dad and seven year old had an empty seat next to her companion and did not ask him to mover over, or move herself.
My heart also sort of broke because the dad and his kids were too sweet, nice, shy, dumb, or whatever to ask her to move over.
(Actually, I heard one of the kids translating certain parts of the movie to his “dad” in French, so I think the “dad” didn’t speak English very well).
Years ago, I would have undoubtedly leaned over and asked that woman to move down, so that man and his children could be comfortable.
Yes, I was that self righteous and nosy.
Years of being burned for meddling in other people’s business has taught me that my version of the way things should be are not necessarily …. well, the way that people want them.
And, people, sometimes get mad when you stick up for them. Even if you’re completely right and they are much better of now because of me.
So, I just sort of sat there waiting for this woman to get a clue.
Move. Over.
For-God’s-sake-man. Ask. Her. To. Move.
I was hoping some kind of psychic connection would arise between me and the dad or me and the seat camper so that all would be right with the universe and I could get on with being disappointed in the screen writers of The Half Blood Prince.
But, she didn’t move.
And he didn’t ask.
Maybe her companion has a fear of being more than twelve inches away from any other human being.
Maybe she was so excited to see the movie that she didn’t notice.
Maybe she thought, “He arrived five minutes before the movie, I got here twenty minutes early, why should I have to move, at all?”
I don’t know. But, whatever the reason, this situation has been bugging me ever since.
I want to know why people do this.
Why do people ignore people who don’t get in their face and demand to be acknowledged?
Why do people ignore the weak guy? The guy who, for whatever reason, doesn’t say, “Hey, do you mind scooting over?”
I definitely believe that being assertive about what you need is an important trait. You should tell people to scoot over if you see an empty seat so that you and your children can sit comfortably.
But, if you lack that confidence and strong sense of self, why can’t other people just scoot over, anyway?
Why can’t this be a world where once we’re settled in our own seats, we can look to the left of us and the right of us and think, is there anyone that needs me to engage in a small, random act of kindness?
In my faith, there’s a saying that the smallest act of charity is a smile. And that one of the smallest acts of faith is removing harm from someone’s way.
Whether you believe in God or not, this illustrates that kindness resides in the ability and the desire to think of the welfare and comfort of other human beings in addition to your own.
Interestingly, neither of these examples, the smile, the removal of harm or even the moving one seat down at the opening night of Harry Potter requires anything that would diminish one iota of our own abundance or comfort.
The requirements of basic charity and demonstrations of faith are painlessly simple.
A look to the left, a look to the right, and simply asking, “Is there anything I can do?”
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Shelli Said,
July 18, 2009 @ 4:34 pm
It’s called common courtesy. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s too uncommon. I don’t know why it has disappeared from our society.
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Faiqa Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 10:13 am
@Shelli, Right? I feel like moving over without being asked is kind of… well, *basic*.
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Tami Said,
July 18, 2009 @ 4:56 pm
Amen, sista! If we could all just have good manners and treat people how we would want to be treated, the world would be much a much better and much happier place.
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Faiqa Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 10:14 am
@Tami, Or treat people the way we make our kids treat people! I’m surprised with all the moms and dads out there that are always badgering their kids to say “thanks, please & excuse me” that there aren’t more polite people out there. My suspicion is that people pretend to be polite, but aren’t really.
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Sybil Law Said,
July 18, 2009 @ 5:07 pm
It’s unbelievable that the woman didn’t just move herself and her companion over and offer that empty seat to those people. Why not? Would it have killed her?!
That really burns me up.
The other day, I was letting people turn in front of me, waving them out of parking lots in front of me, and at one light, I expected the person behind me to do the same. Nope – they just sped UP so no one else could get out. That makes me insane, too.
It’s just called being NICE. Is it really so hard to do?!!
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Faiqa Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 10:16 am
@Sybil Law, Oh, yeah, I hate that traffic thing, too. I also get kind of irritated when I let a pedestrian go by and they don’t the nod & smile. They just walk by like, you know, they’re royalty, and I was supposed to stop for them.
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Poppy Said,
July 18, 2009 @ 5:16 pm
If I tried to right all the wrongs I see in my daily life that’d be more than my full time job. You worry about you and your family and if someone genuinely needs help for a medical reason then help. And then do random acts of kindness that you know won’t bite you.
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Faiqa Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 10:20 am
@Poppy, I agree. That was my whole point of adding in that line about not compromising our own abundance or comfort… Besides, there so much wrong in the world, it would be completely impossible to make everything right. I just wonder why if it’s in your power and if it’s convenient, why *wouldn’t* a person try to make someone else’s life a little easier?
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Poppy Said,
July 18, 2009 @ 5:17 pm
*and your friends, worry about your friends! gah, friends ARE family so I forgot to mention them specifically.
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Poppy Said,
July 18, 2009 @ 5:18 pm
And there is a difference between helping someone who wants to be helped and assuming someone wants it.
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Faiqa Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 10:21 am
@Poppy, Oh, yes, I know this all too well. You have no idea how many people don’t speak to me anymore because I tried to “fix” their lives.
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Poppy Said,
July 18, 2009 @ 5:18 pm
But I totally dig your life philosophy.
AM I TOP COMMENTER FOR THE MONTH?! WOOT!
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Faiqa Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 10:21 am
@Poppy, Yes. You are top commenter for this post, at least.
And I loved every single one of them. 
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fidget Said,
July 18, 2009 @ 9:41 pm
stuff like that makes me twitch. I think i would have missed 1/2 the movie staring at the non scooter
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Faiqa Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 10:22 am
@fidget, Yeah, I know… it was hard for me to concentrate for the first few minutes.
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Kris Said,
July 18, 2009 @ 10:28 pm
I’m LOL’ing at Poppy. Hee hee…
I’m just the type that would say, “Hey lady, move it on down, k? I think my water just broke and you don’t want to get any of THIS on you. I’m not leaving. I paid good money for these seats!”
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Faiqa Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 10:23 am
@Kris, Hee, hee, I wonder if that lady was sideways glancing at me and thinking, “How inconsiderate!! That woman better not go into labor while we’re in this movie!”
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Nicole Said,
July 18, 2009 @ 11:07 pm
(Found you from Markinka’s shared items, just fyi)
She may not have noticed, or been rude and uncaring, and/or he may have been perfectly comfortable. This reminds me of something my husband might do, get totally bothered by something when there wasn’t much he could do, or at the rudeness of people, long after the fact. I’ve learned it/they are just not worth my time. I would have felt weird asking, but it probably would have bugged me a bit.
Funny, we ended up in Harry Potter when the $1 kids movie was way to crowded, the place was mostly empty, and my son and his buddy (both 5) got restless and were sort of walking around in front, pulling up the arm rests. They weren’t making any noise, and sure they should have been sitting, but this woman started yelling, “sit down! this is a movie you need to sit!” Mind you it was 10 in the morning, and a slew of kids were all fidgety down there. It was our sign to leave, but it was a bit annoying.
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Faiqa Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 10:25 am
@Nicole, Yeah, going to movie at 10a.m. and expecting a perfectly restrained audience is pretty unreasonable.
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Sarah Said,
July 19, 2009 @ 12:25 am
Maybe the empty seat was infected with the plague. What? It could happen.
At least that’s the excuse I’d use if I was stupid enough to not move over for a kid.
(And HI I haven’t been here in like 8 years. In case you forgot I’m the annoying blond who thinks she’s funny.)
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Faiqa Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 10:27 am
@Sarah, OK, did I just comment at your blog? I don’t know that I did, but I had fallen behind on it… you left this comment right after I went through and read all of the posts I’ve missed this month. Fifteen minutes later you leave a comment on MY blog. If I didn’t leave a comment on yours, and you just randomly decided to pop over here, that is just CRAZY. And pretty cool.
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Princess of the Universe Said,
July 19, 2009 @ 11:59 am
I probably would have passive aggressively said something rather loudly so the non-movers would have heard and perhaps taken the not-so-subtle hint.
Last night I was at HP and I too was looking out for the same thing- although you frequently find in theatres up here that the ushers will do that sort of thing for you and ask people to move on your behalf.
This actually makes me really angry – I would like to blame it on cluelessness, and the thought not even occurring to them, than intentional inconsideration…but then I’m pretty naive that way.
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Faiqa Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
@Princess of the Universe, You have ushers?!
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Princess of the Universe Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
@Faiqa,
Well…kinda. They don’t seat you or anything, they kind of lurk and make sure things are OK – no one has their feet up on seats etc.
I went to a movie in Disney, and I noticed a lot of differences between the movie theatre experience there vs here. Almost worth devoting a blog post to it…
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Faiqa Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
@Princess of the Universe, They should TOTALLY do that here!!
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Miss Britt Said,
July 19, 2009 @ 2:18 pm
“A look to the left, a look to the right, and simply asking, “Is there anything I can do?””
We should teach this in kindergartens.
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Faiqa Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
@Miss Britt, I think they do. Which explains why kids are so much nicer than grown ups.
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SciFi Dad Said,
July 19, 2009 @ 4:07 pm
I’m gone for a week and STILL NO BABY?!?
WTF?
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Faiqa Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
@SciFi Dad, Hey. I don’t need this kind of pressure.
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Avitable Said,
July 19, 2009 @ 5:50 pm
Maybe the dad should have looked for three available seats or gotten to the movie early. I’ve had people ask me to move down, and I’ve said no. Why the fuck should I move down? I’ve chosen my seats and got there early enough so that I could choose my seats and fuck you for being so late and being inconsiderate to expect me to do that. Separate your party and sit in the available seats if you want. Don’t try some pathetic little ploy of “oh, look, so sad for me that we can’t three fit into two seats, pity party pity party”.
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Faiqa Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
@Avitable, Obviously, you were an unknown junior artist in a previous life who burned alive trying to save a famous heroine who wouldn’t give you the time of day, so that explains the total d*****baggery of this comment.
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Avitable Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
@Faiqa, why can’t you write the word “douche”? It’s not even a bad word, although I know how much you blush when even the slightest bit of uncouth language slips from your lips.
Oh, and you win for best comment.
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Faiqa Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
@Avitable, Exactly. My language is as pure as the driven snow. And, really? Are you giving me an award for the best comment on MY OWN BLOG?
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Avitable Reply:
July 19th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
@Faiqa, yes. Normally, you lose, so I thought you’d enjoy winning. I am, after all, the arbiter of all things awesome on the Internet.
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color my world Said,
July 20, 2009 @ 11:53 am
“Why can’t this be a world where once we’re settled in our own seats, we can look to the left of us and the right of us and think, is there anyone that needs me to engage in a small, random act of kindness?”
beautifully said. if i can figure out how to subscribe to your blog thinger, i shall.
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Sheila (Charm School Reject) Said,
July 20, 2009 @ 12:03 pm
What’s sad is that people are so shocked by random acts of kindness/politeness that they don’t react well.
One time I had to pretty much force a pregnant woman and her toddler to take my seat on the crowded train. On my train there is no “arriving early” to get a seat….they open the doors after the crowds are already lined up.
On the other hand, I was shocked at the amount of people that have let me stand in the million degree vestibule of the train while pregnant and squished with people.
I should’ve puked on the fuckers.
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radioactive tori Said,
July 20, 2009 @ 5:45 pm
As always, I completely agree with you. I don’t understand why it seems to take so much to get people to behave kindly to each other. Like you said, that simple act of moving over so someone else could be more comfortable would not have taken anything away from those people. Why are people like this? It really frustrates me!
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Kimberly Said,
July 21, 2009 @ 9:57 pm
If the movie theatres would start giving everyone their own arm rest, rather than having to share them, the scooting problem might be avoided.
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Andrew A. Sailer Said,
August 11, 2009 @ 5:48 pm
Hello, i guess this is as good of a place as any to post and let you know. I went to subscribe to your RSS feed, and when i clicked it i got an error that said “Parse error: syntax error, unexpected T_CONSTANT_ENCAPSED_STRING” followed by other gibberish that scrolled off the screen. I had to force the page to stop loading because it locked up my browser. Cheers.
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Avitable Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
@Andrew A. Sailer, I just tried that and it worked fine. Did you do that from the front page where it says “subscribe in a reader” or somewhere else? What browser do you use?
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