Have you ever been talking to someone and they’re being sarcastic and you’re being sarcastic and all of a sudden you quickly realize that this conversation just exited from  the HaHaAren’tWeAllBeingCute Interstate to PassiveAggressiveLand?

This happened in a conversation I was having with family the other night.

My family has no shortage of alpha males and alpha females.  A lot of people I’m related to are intensely strong, opinionated, and talented in some way or another.  The thing about alpha personalities, of course, is that though their talents come in handy and produce great success for the benefit of those closest to them, within the undertones of every relationship is a fight for dominance.

It doesn’t matter how much you love one another, the need for the “win” is always there.

Not to sound all self righteous, but I realized this several years ago.  I decided I wasn’t going to play that game, again.

If I feel like there is some sort of alpha dogging going on in a conversation, I generally withdraw.  I mean, it’s not as if I’m discussing foreign policy with the security minister of Iran.  These are living room conversations.  Nothing hangs in the balance except for someone’s ego.  I know I’m a talented and intelligent woman, and I don’t need to win an argument to continue believing that.

So, I can handle the alpha personality quite well.

You know who I have a hard time handling?  Betas. I don’t know if that’s a real term, so let me define what I mean by “beta.”

A beta is not just a person who goes with the flow.  The betas I’m talking about never argue.  They rarely assert their own needs, wishes or desires.  Even if they want to.  Even if they should. They don’t make the tough decisions because they think that’s the alpha’s job.

You’d think that as a self described alpha, I’d appreciate that.  Who doesn’t want a band of sycophants hanging on their every word all the while mixing their adoration of you with genuine fear?

I don’t.  I don’t appreciate that, at all.  Mostly because, betas always find a way to let you know that they don’t like the way things are going.   And they are almost always cruel about it.

There is nothing worse than thinking that you’ve gone out of your way to be careful in considering the needs of someone else and then having them tell you in some cowardly passive aggressive joke that they think you’re a jerk.

See, for me, it’s not about winning.  I don’t come into a situation and assume responsibility because I need to be in charge.  I do it because nobody else is doing it.  I do it for the benefit of everyone.  And you know what I’ve noticed?  That the people who benefit the most from my assumption of duties or responsibilities are the ones who are the cruelest.

In other words, the people who are least able and likely to take the initiative to solve a problem are the most likely to act like detriments the whole time it’s being solved.

They’re the ones that will make snippy comments just above earshot while I’m trying to work something out with someone else.

Or who expect me to feel bad and treat them like a martyr because they were too much of an idiot to ask for what they needed when they needed it.

Or say things about how I’m “scary” and how they wouldn’t want cross me while I’m trying to plan something.

Or roll their eyes when they find out that I’ve successfully done something exactly the way it’s supposed to be done.

I will not apologize for being good at things or for my excellence.

I will not apologize for being a strong, organized person who takes initiative in every situation with which I am presented.

I will not apologize because other people are too insecure and afraid to express their needs.

I would rather people just be kind and say, “Thank you,” or dispense with the passive aggressive displays that clearly underline their own feelings of inadequacy.

Just because someone feels bad about themselves does not make it OK to be cruel to those who don’t.