Yeah, so, I love vampire stuff.
I know, it’s a wonder that in some circles, I’m considered cool.
In most circles.
In addition to the fact that most vampires in literature and film are incredibly mysterious, beautiful and downright rock starish, my fascination emanates from the fact that the figure of the vampire represents an interesting take on the existential dilemma.
Yes, really.
And, noooo, this isn’t some sad justification for what I dork I am.
Moving on. Let’s assume that the majority of people ponder the meaning of life at some point.
For example, the fact that we subconsciously know that we have a very limited amount of time necessarily impacts the manner in which we answer the question, “What is the meaning of life?”
But, if we thought we might have 300, 400, or 500 years to “live,” wouldn’t we would come up with totally different answers to “What does this all mean?”
Most vampire lore suggests that the more time you have (or feel you have) the less you care about other people and the more selfish (read evil) you are. Like the vampire in one of my favorite movies, Fright Night.
If you don’t remember Fright Night, it came out in the mid-80s and starred Christopher Sarandon and a bunch of other people that don’t matter to me. Also, if you don’t remember Fright Night because you were, like, two or something, go away, you make me feel old.
(Oh, come baaack, I’m kidding).
Fright Night had a great little plotline about a kid named Charlie Brewster whose new neighbor happens to be a vampire, a part played really well by Christopher Sarandon. This vampire was evil. His only goal was to satisfy his own needs, and he didn’t care who was hurt in the process. In fact, he sort of reveled in the fact that people got hurt in the process.
Vampire Lesson #1: People who constantly prioritize their needs over the needs of other people are evil bloodsucking parasites.
The interesting part of this, of course, is that if the vampire didn’t prioritize his needs, he would die. Catch the nuance? We’re left wondering, did he have to be the way he was? He did have a choice. He could’ve starved to death instead of kill people in order to live.
Years later, Louis from Interview With A Vampire (book, not sad excuse for a movie) embodies the sensitive 90s vampire. He refuses to take innocent life, and only kills criminals. We find that a being might have to drink blood to live, but it can drink the blood of evil people.
It doesn’t have to kill babies or anything.
In his own way, Louis reconciles the dark side of his need for survival with the need to be good.
So, in real life terms, because I’m not a whack job that actually believes vampires are real, this means that, sure, we all have to make a buck, but we don’t have to be greedy bastards who buy yachts with people’s hard earned retirement money.
Vampire Lesson #2: Survival and service to society are not mutually exclusive. Not for vampires, not for us.
My favorite vampire? Joss Whedon’s Angel, of course. Or, as he is less commonly known, Faiqa Khan’s Angel.
One of the reasons that I like Angel is because it addresses this issue of good and evil with less finality. This particular characterization of the vampire mirrors reality the most in that it displays that most of our relative goodness or badness is situational.
Vampire Lesson #3: Nobody is always one way all the time. Sometimes, we’re Angel, the do-gooder type vampire with a soul and, sometimes, we’re Angelus, the vampire who ate his parents.
…
Anyway, did I ever tell you that I once met General Parvez Musharraf on my way to Pakistan. I was in First Class (really, are you surprised by this?) and he happened to walk by my seat. And he stopped.
Him: Hello, where are you on your way to? (Or something like that).
::Light conversational banter you don’t care about::
Me: (Fumbling in my purse for the headphones to my CD player, not even really looking at him) Oh, OK, it was nice meeting you, too.
So, anyway, in case you don’t know, Parvez Musharraf happened to be the leader of a country at that time.
Yes, of course, this is relevant to my post.
Did I mention that a few days after I spoke with him, he was going to go have dinner with the President of the United States.
Let me tell you how this would have played out if David Boreanaz, the actor who played Angel on TV, had walked by my seat instead:
David: Hi, where are you from?
Me: OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD!!!!
David: Heh. OK, so I gather you watched the show when it was on?
Me: OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD – YOU’RE ANGEL.
David: Well, technically, I’m David Boreanaz, the guy who played Angel on television.
Me: OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD, WHERE’S BUFFY? IS SHE HERE, TOO?
David: Um, Buffy is not real, she was a fictional character played by Sarah Mich…
Me: OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD, OH. MY. GOD. (I pass out).
…
You know.
To my credit, David Boreanaz is infinitely better looking than Parvez Musharraf.
And I venture he’d do just as good of a job of running a country.
What about you? Do you dig the undead? What’s your sad little justification for being a loser? Why?
49 Comments »
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hello haha narf Said,
June 14, 2009 @ 9:55 pm
of course i remember fright night. not only was chris sarandon in it, but the awesome roddy mcdowall as well. (yes, i did have to look up how to spell mcdowall, shhh!) LOVED that movie. although not as much as the lost boys. now THAT was a vampire movie for the 80s. mmmmmmmmmm, jason patric.
wait.
what were we talking about?
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 11:29 am
@hello haha narf, Love Jason Patric, too. And Roddy McDowell. Not for the same reasons, obviously.
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Princess of the Universe Said,
June 14, 2009 @ 10:16 pm
It was Angel that led me to having almost-arguments with people over Twilight.
People were all angry about Edward leaving Bella etc etc – and I’m all “yeah? That’s what they do. When Angel left Buffy blah blah blabity blah” “Oh and Robert Pattison? Is no where near as cool/hot/awesome as Davis Boreanaz.”
And then they glare at me and walk away.
I’m cool.
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 11:30 am
@Princess of the Universe, Oh MY GOD, EXACTLY!!! Angel was waaaaay more noble than Edward.
[Reply]
Princess of the Universe Said,
June 14, 2009 @ 10:17 pm
Ooops! That’s “David” of course
[Reply]
Sybil Law Said,
June 14, 2009 @ 10:33 pm
Do you watch Dexter? He’s not a vampire but I love his killing self.
Anyway
I love this post. And as usual, you are completely right – about everything.
Nerd.
<3
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 11:31 am
@Sybil Law, I don’t watch Dexter, but it looks good. I might rent it once I get through the True Blood DVDs.
[Reply]
LeSombre Said,
June 14, 2009 @ 10:43 pm
I got this in the reader and I thought Sarcastica was guest-posting.
Of course I love vampires. Fright Night was awesome – and of course let’s not forget the Lost Boys – but bookwise it’s “the Delicate Dependency” by Michael Talbot that did it for me. If you can find that book, I strongly suggest reading it.
My justification for being a loser?why? Because It’s just fun.[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 11:31 am
@LeSombre, I will definitely look up the book, I haven’t read a “new” book in over a month. So, thanks!
[Reply]
whall Said,
June 14, 2009 @ 11:06 pm
I’m not evolved enough yet to understand/like/be entranced by vampires.
But in other news, I don’t suck.
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 11:32 am
@whall, Not “evolved” enough… yeah, that’s it. I really appreciate you not saying “juvenile” instead.
[Reply]
whall Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 11:52 am
@Faiqa, Interestingly enough, I meant it. I’m just not there yet. I expect that after I learn some other life lessons and mature some, I’ll become more fascinated by the concept.
I also expect that within my lifetime (I’m under 40) there will be some amazing life-extending scientific, medical and spiritual breakthroughs that will enable 100+ year lifespans. At that time, we’ll learn a little more about the evolution a human mind goes through with more time to learn.
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
@whall, Given my belief that human history is cyclical (for the most part, with minor but important variations) I would imagine that, at some point, the evolution of the individual human mind becomes negligible… like an asymptotic graph… I would say that would start to occur around…155 years.
[Reply]
Kiefer and Emo Said,
June 15, 2009 @ 12:17 am
In the folktales told around the cud circles in farms all across the world, people are the evil in the world. I have suspicions, however, that the line of logic cows follow would lead to the understanding that we have to eat to live. I rather fancy we’re just like, you know, bad.
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 11:33 am
@Kiefer and Emo, I hear cows worship practicing Hindus for along the same reasons you mentioned…
[Reply]
SciFi Dad Said,
June 15, 2009 @ 6:34 am
The only part of the vampire thing that I ever got into was Buffy, and I don’t even think that counts.
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 11:33 am
@SciFi Dad, It totally counts.
[Reply]
Stef Said,
June 15, 2009 @ 7:41 am
So, where do the “True Blood” characters fit into all of this? I love me some “True Blood”
Although, I also love “Weeds” “Real Housewives” & the new & fabulous “Nurse Jackie” Actually, although not about Vampires, these shows have some real Bloodsucking, Lifeless, a-holes to admire.
Also, I don’t think you’re a dork!
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 11:34 am
@Stef, I just started watching True Blood last week on DVD. I’ve seen four episodes and can already tell it’s going to be AWWWESOME!!
[Reply]
B.E. Earl Said,
June 15, 2009 @ 8:06 am
Well, you know how I feel about Buffy and Angel.
I would probably react to David Boreanaz pretty much the same way. And yet I laughed when you said Slyde was the girl. Yikes.
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 11:35 am
@B.E. Earl, You’re not going to let that girl thing go, are you?
[Reply]
B.E. Earl Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
@Faiqa, Gimme a couple of more days at least. I’m having too much fun right now.
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
@B.E. Earl, Okaaay. But you fail to see that calling him the girl was COMPLIMENTARY. Boys don’t wash their hands before they eat and leave the toilet seat up. Not sexy.
[Reply]
NYCWD Said,
June 15, 2009 @ 8:14 am
So you watched True Blood last night, didn’t you?
I’ve been interested in vampire lore for a very long time, and while I can agree with Vampire Lesson #3 (which is Jekyll and Hyde Lesson #1 in disguise), I think you may need to re-examine lesson #1 and perhaps lesson #2 needs some expansion.
The real question though, is what do you think of extraterrestrials? Benevolent species or malevolent invaders?
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 11:40 am
@NYCWD, No, I just started watching it on DVD, and that did get me thinking. Plus, we somehow got on the topic at my baby shower, so I’ve been mulling it over.
As far as extraterrestrials, I find it verrry interesting how your question implies that (1) all extraterrestrials will be the same species and (2) they will be either benevolent or malevolent. I mean, there have to be a couple of species out there who only care about drinking beer on Friday nights and watching American Idol…. oh, wait.
[Reply]
Finn Said,
June 15, 2009 @ 9:48 am
I’ve never been into vampires, but I adore “TrueBlood,” which I think covers exactly what you’re talking about.
So was Musharraf hitting on you or what?
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
@Finn, Musharraf was definitely *not* hitting on me. I was sitting next to a producer who was coordinating an interview between him and Tom Brokaw. (I know you love the name dropping going on here…). Her and I had gotten quite chummy, since we’d been delayed together twice by that point. She stopped him and introduced me. I didn’t want to bore ppl with the details in the post.
[Reply]
delmer Said,
June 15, 2009 @ 12:03 pm
“Fright Night” was the movie that taught me Vampires had to be invited into a person’s house to gain entry. It might have been the movie in which I learned not all vampires wear capes. (Prior to “Fright Night” most of my vampire knowledge had come via Bela Lugosi.)
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
@delmer, Me, too!! I still remember the look on Chris Sarandon’s face when Charlie’s mom said he was welcome anytime… I made a mental note to never tell anyone I haven’t met during daylight that they’re welcome in my home anytime. And, you know, it’s worked really well. I’ve never had a vampire come into my house
[Reply]
Ren Said,
June 15, 2009 @ 2:54 pm
Count me as a vampire story fan. True Blood (though like you I’m only four episodes in — but I’ve read and enjoyed several of the books), Angel, Lestat, etc.
As for Fright Night, while I have watched it several times, my favorite vampire movie from childhood is probably Love at First Bite, particularly the end:
On a related topic, I think you might enjoy reading this thesis: http://www.dartmouth.edu/~elektra/thesis.html
[Reply]
whall Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
@Ren, Oh me too! And “with you, it’s never a quickie. Always, a longie.” I loved that movie.
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
@Ren,
Haven’t seen that one, yet.. I’ll have to add it to my NetFlix cue.
Man, I wish I had picked that as *my* thesis topic. Instead of having to wade through old issues of Harper’s Weekly and Confederate Veteran, I could have watched vampire movies instead. Maaajor oversight on my part. Do you know the person that wrote it? I especially liked the chapter on politics and gender. Plus, I never noticed that they drank blood out of bottles in Lost Boys…
[Reply]
Ren Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
@Faiqa, Fair warning in case it isn’t *completely* obvious: Love at First Bite is pure comedy.
No, I don’t know the author of the thesis — just found it online.
[Reply]
Twinkie Said,
June 15, 2009 @ 4:25 pm
Oh wow! No, I do NOT watch or like anything related to Vampires (although the poor excuse of a movie Interview With a Vampire was great because it had my two hotties in it) but today I posted a blog about how we’re not always the same person and how we are different things to different people and that vampire quote: Vampire Lesson #3: Nobody is always one way all the time. Sometimes, we’re Angel, the do-gooder type vampire with a soul and, sometimes, we’re Angelus, the vampire who ate his parents.
is sooo in line to what I wrote it’s eerie!
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 6:50 pm
@Twinkie, Actually, I *did* like Interview With A Vampire for the exact reason you mentioned, I just thought the book was better. I read your post, and that *is* weird!! It seems so simple and obvious that we aren’t the same person all the time, you’d think we’d just accept it. But, it seems like people trip up on the sheer simplicity of it.
[Reply]
Avitable Said,
June 15, 2009 @ 5:48 pm
You’ve managed to outdork yourself AND me today. Well done! You get a prize!
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
@Avitable, Why do I feel like you’ve been waiting a decade and a half to declare that? I feel like I should congratulate you or something.
[Reply]
Miss Britt Said,
June 16, 2009 @ 9:53 am
Um, I just thought Edward was hot. And that, somehow, it was sexy that he wanted to eat her.
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 16th, 2009 at 11:35 am
@Miss Britt, Well, yeah, potentially being eaten by the love of one’s life is definitely a turn on. And, not, I do *not* mean that in more ways than one.
[Reply]
Slyde Said,
June 16, 2009 @ 10:01 am
you make me want to see Fright Night again! havent seen that movie in decades..
p.s.. thanks again for the award… i am officially accepting the honor later today on my blog…
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 16th, 2009 at 11:36 am
@Slyde, Oh, you’re welcome — you have a great blog that I enjoy, a lot. I want to see Fright Night again, too…
[Reply]
Callie Said,
June 16, 2009 @ 11:52 am
Yes! I always knew I was cool!
I’ve loved the vampire flicks since . . . forever. Books, too. Never was too much into the Interview with the Vampire books, though. Too . . . sensitive I suppose is the word . . . for my taste. I actually read a series of vampire books in the 90′s (while I was pregnant with my firstborn, as a matter of fact) that came from the vantage point that vampires were a race of aliens. The first few books were really good. Graphic and gory, but good.
I had a love/hate relationship with Angel. Loved the storylines. Anything from Joss is pretty much gold. DB, on the other hand, there were times when it seemed like he was just sleepwalking through the role. And some of the interviews he gave! If I were his publicist, I’d probably put a permanent gag in him.
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
@Callie, Believe it or not, I don’t recall ever watching an interview with him… I do remember his acting lacking in the beginning, too.
[Reply]
Kate Said,
June 16, 2009 @ 12:34 pm
Generally speaking, I do not enjoy most things vampire-related. I get scared and creeped out … and sometimes grossed out. But I make an exception for True Blood. That Bill is one sexy vampire, plus the premise of the show is really interesting. Two thumbs way up.
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
@Kate, I just watched the first five episodes… in one day. It’s one of my new favorite shows.
[Reply]
TheGoriWife Said,
June 16, 2009 @ 2:23 pm
I have never – not once in my life – been upgraded to First Class (and I’m too cheap/poor to buy one myself.) I have checking in while wheeping, while giddy, while enormously pregnant, while white in Pakistan, while traveling with quite possibly the cutest kid in the world, and in Pakistani wedding clothes. What’s a girl gotta do to get an UPGRADE in this world?!?!
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
@TheGoriWife, I’m not sure — I wasn’t traveling on an upgrade. But, I did get an upgrade to Executive economy in Virgin once… traveling with a cute kid.
[Reply]
Paticus Said,
June 19, 2009 @ 2:43 pm
Where’s Buffy? …ha, that’s awesome!
And how can Roddy McDowell not matter to you ?
[Reply]
Faiqa Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
@Paticus, Including Roddy McDowell in people who don’t matter was definitely an oversight on my part.
[Reply]