Thirty One Weeks And Counting… A Bullet Post

By Faiqa On May 31, 2009 · 47 Comments

For some reason, I feel like the most disinterested pregnant woman on the planet.  I just don’t feel like writing about having a baby.  And, for better or worse, my mentality is as follows, “What?!  There are a bajillion babies born a minute, is something special going on here?” Of course, the creation and development [...]

  • For some reason, I feel like the most disinterested pregnant woman on the planet.  I just don’t feel like writing about having a baby.  And, for better or worse, my mentality is as follows, “What?!  There are a bajillion babies born a minute, is something special going on here?” Of course, the creation and development of this child is special to me, but I’m just not excited enough to get detailed about how I’m feeling, what the baby is doing and blah, blah, blah.  If you are pregnant, however, I love hearing about your pregnancy.  I just don’t feel like talking about mine.  It bores me.
  • People are bugging me for photos.  For what it’s worth, I hate having my picture taken these days.  I understand that I’m expecting and that my figure is supposed to change, but I feel fat.  As politically incorrect as that may sound, I feel fat and I don’t want fat pictures of me on the Internet.  So, some of you can expect some in your e-mail.  Everyone else will just have to use their imagination or fly to Florida and hang out with me  sometime before August 2.
  • I have floating ribs.  Now, I’m not sure I know what that means exactly, but I know it hurts, a lot.  Basically, my left ribs are being pushed up and out as my baby grows.  It feels like someone is stabbing me in the ribs and twisting the knife they used.  I’m supposed to tape up my ribs to ease that pressure, but that’s just not working.    The more it hurts, the more I hate my doctor for not fixing it.
  • People are starting to assume that I’m hormonal, so that’s why I’m being bitchy.  Look.  I am an extraordinarily diplomatic and lovely woman who is highly tolerant of people’s crap. When I’m pregnant, though, I lose the ability to tolerate crap.  If I have been mean to someone in the past seven months, or will be mean to someone in the next two, it’s not because I’m hormonal.  It’s because they deserve it and, normally, I’ve just let them get away with it.  For individuals wanting to avoid conflict with me, I suggest trying not to act like a moron for the next two months.  Then we can go back to pretending that you’re fine just the way you are.
  • N. is really excited.  I mean, really excited.  This says to me that she has no idea what she’s in for.  I can personally vouch for the fact that the early years of being a big sister are not super fun.  Perhaps I should start teaching her the key phrases she’ll need until she’s about 18:  “Get out of my room, get off the phone, I need the bathroom, tell mom and I’ll kill you, you can have the remote, but then you have to be my slave for the next hour…Uh, no, that’s not my brother, I don’t know who that is…”
  • I’m slowly trying to catch up on commenting and reading everyone’s blog.  I would never presume to tell anyone how to present their blog, but I have to tell you that if your blog shows up as a partial feed in my reader, I’m simply not able to get to it.  I know that sounds awful, but I just don’t have the time to click through to read the whole thing.  It disrupts my rhythm, if you will.
  • My mother in law is the most lovely human being on the planet.  She has cooked, cleaned and taken of care of N. just as well, if not better, than I could.  I’m thinking of running away with the circus, as I’m not really needed here, anymore.  But, really, I’m going to sneak into her room one night and check for batteries because I don’t think any real human being can be that sincere, loving, patient, energetic, selfless and happy all the time.
  • In variation of the classic NYCWD and LeSombre style I’m going to save the last bullet for the next person who says, “Wow, you’re getting really big, aren’t you?”
 
From the daily archives: Sunday, May 31, 2009