My in-laws are coming!! For five weeks!!
I’m lucky that they’re nice people. Loving people. Even wonderful.
The truth is that as soon as a person gets the title “in-law” attached to their familial identifier, they go a little crazy.
Nobody is immune to this law of nature.
Not even me the daughter-in-law or sister-in-law.
I would not arrogantly presume that I didn’t aim some crazy remark at Tariq’s parents or MBTD’s wife that made them think, Really? I can’t believe we have to be related to this psycho.
Anyway, for the most part, the in-laws and I have a great relationship based on mutual respect, genuine love and a good sense of humor about life in general. In every way, I’d say our relationship is ideal.
As ideal as it can be. (Don’t forget the parts of our brain that generally control empathy, sensitivity, ego stroking and general tact are somewhat diminished when we became a something-in-law.)
It helps that the in-laws and I share a very core value: Family Harmony and Togetherness.
Being part of Tariq’s family taught me that no person’s ego, sensitivity or insecurity is bigger than the unity of this family. While this may seem complicated and reflect inequity to the people who stand outside of this circle, I assure you it’s not like that on the inside.
Do they tell us what they think we should do? Yes. Oh, yes.
Do we tell them what we think they should do? Yes. Definitely.
And everyone takes everyone else seriously when they offer advice. And everyone considers the advice and does what’s best not only everyone, but for them. This isn’t just family. It’s friendship, too.
Does anyone stomp their feet and hold their breath and stand in the corner and say, I’m taking my ball and I’m going home because you guys are losers for not listening to me? No. Never once in front of me, anyway.
My in-laws are also very fair people. They have never taken my loyalty for granted. And they have my loyalty because they’ve always been loyal to me.
They have shown me generosity and acceptance, and as a self described fair person… I owe it to them to do the same.
So, yeah, people freak out when I say they’re coming for five weeks. And, I understand why. But, they don’t need to freak out. We’re going to be fine because of all the things I explained.
In the end, we’re committed to each other.
In this marriage, we both knew we were marrying each other’s family. We knew that there was going to be a lot of compromise, and that it might get tough every now and then. In our own ways, I believe we gained a lot by approaching it that way.
Plus, if it the next five weeks gets really hard?
I have an additional strategy planned as backup.
What about you guys? How often and for how long do the in laws come to visit? Is it fun or is it like swallowing large shards of glass with a rubbing alcohol chaser?
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Avitable Said,
May 11, 2009 @ 11:46 pm
Luckily, my parents have never visited us, even when we lived in LA, and if they had, I would have made them stay in a hotel, so it wouldn’t have been a problem.
Amy’s mom stays with us, but she’s very easygoing and I just ignore both she and Amy when she’s visiting and do my own thing.
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Avitable Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 6:06 am
@Avitable, Testing out the new thread comment reply function.
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Avitable Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 6:06 am
@Avitable, testes. 1, 2 . . . 3?
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Avitable Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 6:07 am
@Avitable, Faiqa, when you see this in the morning, reply to me so I can test the email function of it.
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Faiqa Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 7:27 am
@Avitable, By testes? Really? You’re such a child. And.. thank you.
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Sybil Law Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 7:03 am
@Avitable, By testicles, he’s got it!
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Avitable Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 7:06 am
@Sybil Law, Thanks, Sybil!
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RebTurtle Said,
May 12, 2009 @ 1:35 am
How sweet. They read this, don’t they?
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Faiqa Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 7:28 am
@RebTurtle, No, actually, they don’t. But my husband does. SO there’s that.
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HoosierGirl Said,
May 12, 2009 @ 6:18 am
I officially do not have in-laws anymore. But I have a decent relationship with the kids’ other grandparents. And I get along very well with Steven’s parents. But luckily my house is too small for extended visits. So no one has ever visited for more than a day.
You’re lucky. And so are they.
J.
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Faiqa Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 7:29 am
@HoosierGirl, I’m glad to hear that. Grandparents are so important.
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SciFi Dad Said,
May 12, 2009 @ 6:35 am
Wait… if I read this correctly, I could eat glass and drink rubbing alcohol INSTEAD of having my inlaws over?
WHY HASN’T ANYONE TOLD ME THIS BEFORE?!?
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Faiqa Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 7:31 am
@SciFi Dad, Hahahaha!
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Sybil Law Said,
May 12, 2009 @ 7:07 am
Oh, Faiqa – Can I trade in – laws with you?!
Mine do not need to visit – they live too close, unfortunately. My FIL should literally be in prison (and he might be once I’m done speaking to an attorney) and my MIL – she’s a fruitloop, but otherwise, kind. Selfish as all get out, the both of them, but I can tolerate the MIL. I’ve recently declared the FIL is cut out of my life. I WISH I had great in – laws!
Thank God my parents are reasonably sane, loving and great grandparents!
Also, if you need me to send you some rohypnol, let me know.
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Faiqa Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 7:32 am
@Sybil Law, Can I have the rohypnol to use on someone else?
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Sybil Law Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 7:45 am
@Faiqa, Oh, yes! It’s an equal opportunity drug.
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whall Said,
May 12, 2009 @ 8:28 am
In my never-ending quest to educate the world in how lucky I am, I should point out that I have great inlaws. MIL is a physical therapist and does my back work!
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Faiqa Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 10:28 am
@whall, You are truly awesome.
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Miss Britt Said,
May 12, 2009 @ 8:49 am
“In this marriage, we both knew we were marrying each other’s family. We knew that there was going to be a lot of compromise, and that it might get tough every now and then. In our own ways, I believe we gained a lot by approaching it that way.”
I think not only are you lucky that each of YOU knew that, but apparently your families did as well.
That’s kind of where SOME people fall down. ahem.
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Faiqa Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 10:29 am
@Miss Britt, Heh. Not anyone WE know though.
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slyde Said,
May 12, 2009 @ 8:55 am
My inlaws live 5 blocks away, so its practially like an “everybody loves raymond” episode.
fortunately, i DO get along with them, but i DO wish they wouldnt pop in so often.
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Faiqa Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 10:30 am
@slyde, That’s funny, we actually joke about how our family dynamic is like Everybody Loves Raymond all the time.
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Nanna Said,
May 12, 2009 @ 9:12 am
Weird, I hadn’t really thought of this, since both mine and Terry’s parents are already gone. But I typically take in-laws to my bosom and embrace them in a suffocating way (heh) so it’s probably for the best
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Faiqa Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 10:30 am
@Nanna, I’ve found that suffocation with bosoms is a very good coping technique.
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Sheila (Charm School Reject) Said,
May 12, 2009 @ 9:16 am
How I feel about my inlaws changes day by day, depending on their current level of douchebaggery.
Because we live with my parents, the whole inlaw thing is way fucked up and blurred when it comes to them.
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Faiqa Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 10:32 am
@Sheila (Charm School Reject), See. MY parents for five weeks? Not gonna happen.
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Jay P Said,
May 12, 2009 @ 10:08 am
Faiqa, my in-laws are actually pretty cool. However, they party more now than when they were in their 20s. Jokingly my wife said that we would leave the kids with them for a weekend, but we’d be afraid a friend of theirs would call to go to the pub and they’d take them along. My mother-in-laws response: “Well, there’s no smoking in them now, and kids are allowed now so I don’t see how that’s an issue.” Gotta love it.
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Faiqa Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 10:39 am
@Jay P, I LOVE that. I’ve just decided that I’m going to be that kind of grandparent.
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Jay P Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 10:56 am
@Faiqa, I know, it makes me sick that my in-laws are much cooler than I am. Maybe one day I’ll be then strolling in from the club at 5 am when I’m nearing 60.
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Tariq Said,
May 12, 2009 @ 11:08 am
You captured it perfectly. They (my parents) realize how fortunate they are to have you as a daughter. We have definitely learned a lot from each other’s families and we are better individuals because of that. Thanks a lot for writing this post. I love you.
P.S. That whole testes comment chain by Adam is just not right for this particular post. What’s sad is that he probably didn’t even mean to say…it just naturally comes out like that.
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Faiqa Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
@Tariq, Yesss!! You read it. Brownie points achieved.
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martymankins Said,
May 12, 2009 @ 12:17 pm
My mom used to come up to stay with us when she visited. I would have never had her stay in a hotel as she always played babysitter. The most she would stay would be a week.
5 weeks is a long time. Maybe after the first 2 weeks, suggest how nice the Hilton is down the road and that you can meet for breakfast at Mimi’s Cafe.
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Faiqa Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 6:22 pm
@martymankins, I think the Pakistani part of my genes that keeps me from suggesting a hotel. Completely unfathomable.
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Poppy Said,
May 12, 2009 @ 5:57 pm
Five weeks?!
You better be having a baby for them to take care of, otherwise there is NO reason for them to overstay their welcome by 4 weeks and 6 days!
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Faiqa Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
@Poppy, Snort. No, they’re leaving before the baby. I actually prefer my mom to be here. I think the reasoning behind that is obvious… right?
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Kimberly Said,
May 12, 2009 @ 6:42 pm
Oh, jeese, anyone coming for 5 weeks is a long time; In-laws or not.
Ha, ha, I just read Poppy’s comment…totally!
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Faiqa Reply:
May 13th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
@Kimberly, Yeah, privacy does get to be something of an issue…
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Lexi Said,
May 12, 2009 @ 10:08 pm
If I get started I’ll write a book, so I won’t. But I will say this:
1. I second Sci-Fi Dad’s comment.
and
2. They’re 5 minutes away. It’s like everybody loves mutherfucking raymond.
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Faiqa Reply:
May 13th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
@Lexi, My parents live half an hour away, so I can kind of sympathize with the out of the blue phone call that says “we’ll be there in ten minutes… what do you mean you’re busy?”
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B.E. Earl Said,
May 13, 2009 @ 9:44 am
Gia and I share a house with her folks.
That’s all I’m gonna say about that.
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Faiqa Reply:
May 13th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
@B.E. Earl,
Say more, come on.
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Kate Said,
May 13, 2009 @ 12:49 pm
My in-laws, particularly my MIL, are positively delightful. We usually visit over a regular weekend … extended stays for holidays. Visiting my family, however, is more of the shards-of-glass variety. Maybe not as painful, but always tense as we wait for the first fight of the visit.
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Faiqa Said,
May 13, 2009 @ 2:40 pm
Exactly the same situation over here.
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Poppy Said,
May 13, 2009 @ 5:10 pm
@Earl: YOU DO?! SHUT UP!!! *SHOVE*
Parents are coming back into style, apparently.
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Jason Said,
May 13, 2009 @ 9:39 pm
Ummmm, yeah? Hi? My in-laws LIVE WITH ME. They are also wonderful people and I have a good relationship with them.
But still, there are times that they make me CRAYYYYZEEEEEE!
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borysSNORC ™ Said,
May 18, 2009 @ 8:30 am
I have two sets of in-laws (though I prefer to think of them as Outlaws). One set here in Oz and one set in Canada. The Canadian loonies always come visit us to escape the Canadian winter which lands them smack bang in the middle of a Brisbane summer so they spend most of their time complaining about the heat, cranking up the air con and scoffing gallons of coffee all day. About four days into a two week visit from them and I’m making excuses to run errands to get out of the house.
The local Outlaws are even harder to take – they say horrible things, exclude certain members of the family from family occasions (sometimes us), and that Mother In Law has a habit of being very two faced and is quite the most immature selfish woman I’ve ever met. You can’t trust a word she says to you and she will frequently stab you in the back as the minute you part company. I’ve seen them only once since Christmas (which is a new record) and I am deliberately trying to keep the contact as minimal as possible.
I envy your seemingly harmonious situation.
RMB
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Traci Said,
May 28, 2009 @ 8:56 pm
I’m catching up with your post now that I’m not consumed with school anymore and no, I don’t think you are crazy. You know I love you greatly and value your opinion in all matters. On a more selfish note, can I not be called MBTD’s wife. It conjures an image that I can’t relate to and saddens me for some reason. Zia’s wife…love it. Doctor’s wife…creepy. I’m not sure why and I’m sure I need some self reflection here, but the pineapple is calling my name so I’ll self reflect later.
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Faiqa Reply:
May 28th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
@Traci, Oh, good point, I’ll stop calling you MBTD’s wife…. can’t believe I did that in the first place!! How about CWGE (Coolest White Girl Evah)? Or, ummm, let’s try WTTTLSTM (Way too Thin To Love Sugar That Much)? Or how about Traci? Yeah, there we go.
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