You can call it hormones. (He had no problem doing so the other day.  Which is why he still gets no nuts).

In essence, though, I’m undergoing a shift and the permanency of it feels real.

You know that saying, “I couldn’t care less”?

I’ve been saying that a lot.  Not about everything.

Just about people.

Not all people.  But a lot of them.

I have, finally, thankfully, lost the creativity necessary to concoct excuses for the insanity of the human race.

I’m officially over trying to find the good in everyone.

That doesn’t mean I don’t think the good exists in everyone.  I definitely do.  I’m just saying, I am officially resigning from the position of being the idiot whose profession is actively finding it.

If the good isn’t wildly apparent and slapped all over your face, thank you, but I’m going to have to move on.

I’m a born diplomat, you know.  A smiler.  A person who makes sure that everyone, in the end, is happy.  I seek not to offend.  I diffuse.  I try and see everyone’s point.

If you don’t smile, I wonder why.  Are you sad?  Why?  How can I fix it?  Are you hungry? Can I get you something to drink?

I also tend to overlook the fact that maybe I deserve a little more courtesy.  A little more respect.  A little more thoughtfulness.  Because, you know, it’s not all about me.

A forgetfulness regarding those things is not something I should take personally, right?

To hell with that.

I’m taking everything personally from now on.  I deserve lots of courtesy, loads of respect, and tons of thoughtfulness.  And I will not associate with people with whom I have to fight for it.

How can you not take being dismissed or treated rudely, as a personal affront?

I hear you, it’s not you, honey, it’s them.

Really?  Well, I’m the moron who decided to associate with that rude, discourteous person in the first place, right?  I’m not a fighter, for the most part.  So, taking it personally, for me, just means I’m walking away.  Banishment.  That’s all.

If a person doesn’t know how to treat another human being with dignity, I am not going to teach them.

I have a list in my head of the people whose happiness means something to me.

And that list has become very short.  It’s going to stay short, too.

I can’t stop thinking about the compromises I’ve made in the past in the name of giving people a chance when I knew better. I made compromises on the people I met and initially thought, Wow, this person has issues.  Thanks, but no thanks.  Have a nice life.

And, then, that stupid good girl voice in my head, the one who incessantly tortures me with the guilt about being an adolescent mean girl, whispers, You don’t even know them.  Everyone deserves a chance.  Be nice, don’t be quick to judge.

But, I’m not the mean girl, anymore.  My feelings aren’t about quick judgment or insecurity, they are self-preservation and sanity.

I do know this person.  I’m smart.  I’ve seen them before.

They have a different face today, but it’s the same soul.  It’s the soul that brings out the worst in mine.  The soul that will drain mine slowly due to all the effort I’m going to have to exert in order to not get caught up in their drama and cruelty.

This formidable and amazing woman I read on the Internet wrote about not only the effect of negative persons on our own psyches, but also the role that we play in the negativity of others.

I really don’t want to be the person that makes another person feel comfortable enough to act like a thoughtless and spiteful child.  And doesn’t my friendship with a person that behaves that way sort of condone that behavior?  Yes.  It does.

I’m not an angry person, anymore.  The reason?  I learned to avoid people who instigate my tendency to get angry.

I’m not a mean person, anymore.  The reason?  I’ve learned to avoid people that who instigate my tendency to be unkind.

I am a loving, loyal and generous person.  The reason?  I’ve learned to avoid people who remind me that there are people in this world who do not recognize that they have a right to love, loyalty and generosity and view such gestures as being naive and manipulative.

And, yet.  Yet here I am.  Angry, spiteful, and feeling kind of mean all because I doubted myself and my ability to judge what’s good for me.

It’s time to clean house.  And fast.  No more false friendships.  No more constructed pleasantries.  That short list I mentioned earlier?  They are the ones that get the breaks.

Everyone else?  Find another Pollyanna who can take your crap and lead you down the path that helps you discover the light within you.

I’m just taking my ball and I’m going home.  Quietly.  Without a fight.  Because, really, I don’t care.

And because some people just aren’t worth fighting for in the first place.