Just in case you missed it, I killed (metaphorically) on last night’s episode of Clearly, You’re Retarded.

OK, well, most everybody agreed with Adam.  But, whatever.  Being right isn’t a popularity contest.  Plus I had the Canadians, Valerie, My Brother the Doctor, and the kosher Jew on my side.

This was, in and of itself, all the victory I needed.

I just want to clarify.  I am not against you spanking your kids.  You are not a bad parent if you spank your children.  I, personally, do not ascribe to this method of discipline, but that’s not a judgment on your parenting skills.

(Let’s ignore that I said it was lazy.  That was a poor choice of words.  I meant that it seems conveniently expedient.  Gawd.  I should be writing speeches for The Barry.*)

My contention was that it’s a little crappy to judge me for not spanking my child.

Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears are not sad excuses for grown ups because they weren’t spanked.  There are a variety of reasons why some adults are spoiled and useless.  To attribute their flawed existence to one single perceived deficiency in their upbringing is a bit simplistic.  Don’t you think?

Anyway, I mentioned last night that when I was a kid, the preferred method of discipline in my home was a sound beating.  Now, before you go feeling sorry for me, I’d like you to meet my friend Russell Peters, who I believe Karen mentioned in last night’s chat.

(Disclaimer: I’m not really friends with Russell Peters.  He should be so lucky).

I haven’t confused spanking and beating.  I understand the difference.  I would never, ever accept beating a child as an acceptable form of discipline.  Ever.

So, I know it seems odd that I would laugh about beatings.  But, Russell’s comedy bit explains a lot about the various cultural contexts of discipline.  And, in a roundabout way, why Asian kids never talk back to their parents and have higher GPA’s than everyone else.

(Kidding.  Not really.)

There’s some NSFW language in here, so consider yourself warned.

Oh, and one last thing, if I didn’t respond to you in the chat room it was because I’m incapable of reading and talking at the same time.  Sorry.  I went back and read it.  You guys were great.

Even though Adam has obviously brainwashed you into mindlessly agreeing with him over just about anything.

* The Barry = President Barack Obama.