A confession.
On Eid al-Fitr, my daughter got a lot of presents from us, grandparents, extended family and family friends.
I have a clear memory of her sitting on the floor almost drowning in the sea of ribbon and paper that surrounded her. She was quietly surveying the toys around her and in her characteristically polite tone, she whispered to me, “I want some more.”
It was a very shameful moment for me. Even though nobody else heard her. Even though she’s barely over three. Even though she was exceedingly polite when she asked for more. In most people’s eyes, given her age, it wasn’t exactly rude.
But I was ashamed because I think three years old is old enough to get it.
Today is Eid al-Adha.
Today, Muslims remember the Prophet Abraham and reflect upon the wisdom contained within the events of his life.
If you recall, Abraham (peace be upon him) was asked by God to sacrifice his son as a testament of his faith. He complied, God rewarded him in the end by switching out the son for an animal.
There’s way more poetry to that story than I am letting on here, but you can go read your Quran, Bible or Torah for the details.
A lot of people don’t believe this story. They think it’s a fairy tale. But fairy tales have important lessons in them, too, right? If you don’t believe in God, I can understand why you think we’re all wacky. I guess faith is just one of those things that defies explanation or logic. I don’t think I can say it better than this, “Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time.”
I’m sure there are a significant amount of people that think this story is exceedingly cruel, too.
I know that there is a part of me that thinks it is. I love my daughter so much. I can’t imagine marching her up to the top of a mountain and sacrificing her because God told me to do it. I suppose that’s why Abraham was Abraham and I am me.
I like to think that life is cruel, God is not. He is our Protector, and so he slowly teaches us in seemingly obtuse ways how to handle human cruelty with grace, endurance and love.
Obviously, some of us are better students than others.
Muslims remember the story of Abraham, though, because today is our day to remember it.
Abraham’s story of sacrifice is a metaphorical reminder to me that even the most noble and pious of God’s creations can never take any blessing for granted. Today is as good a reminder as any that we must remember that everything that we enjoy is because of His will and His mercy.
Abraham loved his son. God reminded him, though, on this day that Abraham’s son, like every other blessing in Abraham’s life, didn’t belong to Abraham. Abraham’s beloved son, in fact, belonged to God.
So, all this got me thinking.
If this is a day where I’m supposed to remember sacrifice, to understand that each blessing I have is ultimately mine through the grace of God, then why am I giving my kid all these toys, again?
How will buying her all these new toys teach her to appreciate this lesson of taking nothing for granted or of sacrifice?
I just got the distinct feeling that it won’t.
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Avitable Said,
December 8, 2008 @ 4:32 pm
At 3, the lesson might be a little hard for her to grasp, but as she gets older, I get the feeling she’ll appreciate it. Or else.
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Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] Said,
December 8, 2008 @ 5:00 pm
We celebrate Christmas, but for no other reason than it’s cold, it’s December 25th, and we want presents. And I kind of teach my girls about giving. Other than that, it’s good to get stuff. It perpetuates capitalism, right?
Have a great holiday!
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Hilly Said,
December 8, 2008 @ 5:18 pm
One thing that I’ve always been able to do is truly focus the Easter holiday around remembering my savior’s sacrifices and gifts and all of that wonderfully religious stuff. (I’m a Christian, not to be confused with a Xtian…ahem).
Anyway Christmas? Not so much. Like, I know in my heart of hearts that this is baby Jesus’ birthday and all that but even that lets me justify the wild gift giving…Yay, Jesus Party for everyone!!! So anyway, I never get why all the gifts eiehter.
Have a great and happy holiday!
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adnan. Said,
December 8, 2008 @ 5:28 pm
eid mubarak!
buy her one toy. then asking for more might make more sense.
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adnan. Said,
December 8, 2008 @ 5:29 pm
or, from what i’ve started doing with my niece now. buy her books and read with her. =)
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RW Said,
December 8, 2008 @ 5:47 pm
“A lot of people don’t believe this story. They think it’s a fairy tale. But fairy tales have important lessons in them, too, right? “
It wasn’t until it didn’t matter whether it was a fairy tale or not that I became serious about my Christianity, crazy as that might sound. Inherent in all the faiths is the effort of humans to comprehend. If they take the first step, everyone gets there in their own language. In truth, it wasn’t until I got to the point where nothing anyone said about my faith upset me that I began to see the bigger picture. Don’t sweat the gifts. A kid is a kid in any culture.
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RW Said,
December 8, 2008 @ 5:49 pm
Meant to say… Islam seems very mindful of not asking more than one can bear, A diabetic, for example, is certainly not expected to fast during Ramadan. With a three year old, the same!
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Faiqa Said,
December 8, 2008 @ 5:50 pm
@Avitable: What?! Are you saying that, at 3, you to think she’s too little to understand? Really??? I am… SO. Surprised.
@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]: Yaaay capitalism!! ;-P I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and get lots of presents.
@Hilly: I consider myself, you know, intellectually well rounded and I hadn’t heard Xtian before today. I’m not even sure what the point of calling someone an Xtian is?? Thanks for your “holiday” wishes! I hope you have a very Merry Christmas. Wait, now, is it offensive if I, as a non-Christian, say Merry Christmas? Does it make me some kind of sell out? We should ask. Oh, but that would be having to actually communicate with one of the people that gets offended about everything. No thanks. So, uh, no offense, don’t take this wrong way, but, umm, Merry Christmas. Sorry.
@adnan: Eid Mubarak to you, too!! And, great minds think alike, that is exactly what we’re doing this Eid. Just one present, rest of the presents are cash only (LOL). The books are a great idea, too.
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Faiqa Said,
December 8, 2008 @ 5:53 pm
@RW: Good point, good point. Thankfully, God is more forgiving than an overly perfectionist mother.
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Coal Miner's Granddaughter Said,
December 8, 2008 @ 8:41 pm
I’m not a religious person. I was raised Protestant Christian and have never been able to grasp the undeniable, unconditional faith that fellow Christians, Jews, and Muslims can have for God/Allah. My friends tell us, “God led us to this decision!” or “We’re here because of God!” and my logical/analytical self quietly replies, “No, you worked out the problem on your own/made the decision after subconsciously chewing on the choices.” I’m not an atheist. I know there is too much order in this universe for it to not be populated by an omnipotent being that created it. But I have a problem with said omnipotent being truly even caring about us tiny little microbes known as the humanity of Earth.
That being said, I think the fundamental teachings of all faiths (love and respect one another, give to those less fortunate than you, don’t harm one another, etc.) are just common sense for us as human beings to live with one another and not kill each other left and right (I know. I know. That still happens on a regular basis, but I like to think the above ideals keeps it at bay.). And I don’t think you can ever start too young to teach children right from wrong. Whether your daughter can pick up these ideals or not at this age is a moot point. Just keep repeating the message and she’ll eventually get it. What’s important is follow up with yes, we all want more. It’s a fundamental human need to want more of anything that’s good and fun. But why it’s bad to have too much of a good thing.
I celebrate Christmas as a time to gather with family and celebrate our love for one another. Christ’s birth should be celebrated each and every day for those who believe that He is their salvation. And God? I think he’s watching, shaking his head, and going about the business of creating, moving, destroying, somewhere out there.
Sorry for the ramble. Kids are sick again and I’m running on no sleep.
Thanks for the great post and Eid Mubarak to you, hon!
[Reply]
Faiqa Said,
December 8, 2008 @ 9:46 pm
@CMG: I agree with you — including the part about not understanding unconditional faith. It’s complicated with me as are most things. And… you’re brilliant when you ramble…so feel free.
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Crys Said,
December 8, 2008 @ 10:10 pm
consumption (especially the conspicuous kind) has gotten a hold of everybody. but don’t be too hard on yourself. you have plenty of time to imbue into her the values of (what you’ve just described to me as) a truly beautiful holiday.
i think i heard Dr. Phil say that kids don’t even learn empathy until they’re like four years old. and…she’s a little girl? yeah, i’ve got a girl. she’s not going to learn material restraint until about…never.
in any event. i wish you a blessed day and thank you for this post. you are at turns entertaining and truly informative.
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Crys Said,
December 8, 2008 @ 10:11 pm
(i threw the Dr. Phil thing in there just to show you how shallow i am, and also to piss Avi off)
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Avitable Said,
December 8, 2008 @ 10:12 pm
Dr. Phil is a leech on society!
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Faiqa Said,
December 8, 2008 @ 10:25 pm
@Crys: Those were really kind and encouraging words, thank you. When I was sick yesterday and flipping through the channels, I actually watched Dr. Phil, for the first time in… hmm, come to think of it… ever. He’s a tad self-righteou, but damned entertaining. And of all the words I would use to describe you, shallow would never be one of them. You are deep, baby.
@Avitable: I agree… What? Who said that?
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Slyde Said,
December 8, 2008 @ 10:27 pm
the short answer is… no, it wont.
But neither will giving my son a boatload of toys on christmas morning teach him about jesus.
the giving part of our respective holidays, i believe, is just a seperate, very different aspect of the day. I DO beleive we can shower our little ones with kindness and gifts, while teaching them to remember what the day represents..
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Faiqa Said,
December 8, 2008 @ 10:30 pm
@Slyde: And, there is *no* way I’m taking the fall for being the parent that came up with “no presents on Eid.” I think you’re right, there’s def. a balance to be had… hopefully, I’ll find it before something horrific happens like her being on MTV’s Sweet Sixteen.
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Finn Said,
December 8, 2008 @ 11:07 pm
You give her gifts to let her know what a blessing she is to you. That works, doesn’t it?
Eid Mubarak.
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Faiqa Said,
December 8, 2008 @ 11:43 pm
Yeah it works, Finn, and she is a blessing. Thanks for the Eid blessings, too!
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Kailyn Said,
December 9, 2008 @ 12:03 am
My parents were all about many gifts when I was little. By the time I was in high school, it became one gift from my mother. She wanted to give me clothes but recognized our differing tastes. We would go out the day after Christmas — because things cost much less that day — and I would be given a dollar amount that I was allowed to spend. Looking back, I think it was great. I had one gift to unwrap and then got to spend a whole day with my mother — just the two of us. The dollar limit forced me to make choices. (My parents are Protestants. I am not anymore as are others in my extended family. As a result, I have celebrated both Christmas and Eid al-Fitr with various family members.)
By the time I was 6, I received an allowance. From that time on, I was told that I would have to save my own money for certain things that I wanted. It taught me to get some of things that I really want, I have to give up others. My parents could afford to buy all these things. They just wanted me to appreciate them.
But your daughter is 3. I would perhaps start asking her to give me a list of what she wants with stars by the really important ones. I think that 4-year-olds have definite opinions about what they want. (See? I’m looking ahead for you.) I would then select a couple of items or so from her list.
And normally I’d say, “Happy holidays,” but this time I will say, “Eid Mubarak.”
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B.E. Earl Said,
December 9, 2008 @ 12:05 am
“Abraham loved his son.”
Don’t tell Ishmael that. Didn’t Abraham expel him and his mother into the desert?
Anyway, Happy Holidays! There, I said it.
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Mik Said,
December 9, 2008 @ 1:24 am
Happy Eid al-Adha or Eid Mubarak, I’m sure she will learn the values she needs in time, she is only three.
With nine grand kids we enjoy giving them gifts as well as explaining the reason for the Holiday we are celebrating.
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Faiqa Said,
December 9, 2008 @ 2:44 am
@Kailyn: Those are great ideas!! And you can feel free to say Happy Holidays. Or Eid Mubarak. Or whatever.
@B.E. Earl: Oh, he loved both of them. Did you know that Muslims actually believe that Abraham was ordered to sacrifice Ishmael, not Isaac? I left that out of the post in the interest of communal harmony.
@Mik: I, personally, think grandparents lie at the heart of all this *present* (get it? see what I did there?) chaos. Hee hee.
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Janelle Said,
December 9, 2008 @ 9:27 am
I like what Finn Said “You give her gifts to let her know what a blessing she is to you. That works, doesn’t it?”
No worries, as she gets older and can “really” understand, she will. Not that she doesn’t now, understand. However, that’s the thing with getting older, you get wiser (hopefully!).
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Nancy Said,
December 9, 2008 @ 10:54 am
I totally get your point, Faiqa–your post is beautiful and chilling at the same time.
And, FYI, “Xtian” comes from the way that the earliest Christians, in the pagan-era Roman empire, referred to themselves with an X (a cross), rather than by their name, as a disguise against persecution. An “X” was a marker to other Christians, but the pagans did not know about it, so it kept them safe. The current American-evangelical notion that “Xtian” and “Xmas” is offensive, or “taking the Christ out of Christmas” etc, is completely inaccurate and non-historical. It’s very Bill O’Reilly, but it’s another example of how a lot of people in our society who are Christian are misinformed about their own religion’s history.
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B.E. Earl Said,
December 9, 2008 @ 10:58 am
Faiqa – I didn’t know that about Ishmael. And if being sent out to the desert with just some bread and water because God said he would take care of them means that Abraham loved him, well…then I hope never to know that kind of love.
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Miss Britt Said,
December 9, 2008 @ 11:30 am
I am so with you on this. So, so with you.
I actually debated NOT giving my kids Christmas presents this year for a similar reason. But it’s the tradition and the guilt that eventually gets me every year.
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Sybil Law Said,
December 9, 2008 @ 12:09 pm
Eid Mubarek!
My daughter gets it to some extent, but we get the double dosage of gift giving since her birthday is so close to Christmas. Before the holidays (and her birthday), we go through all her old toys (some of them in perfect condition) and put them in a box and take them to Goodwill or somewhere similar. 1) We HAVE to – she’d never have room for new ones if we didn’t!, and 2) I hope it teaches her that some kids have nothing, and giving is important. Oh – and I also hope it teaches her to not be a packrat.
But really – she gets it. This year I am going to take her shopping and pick out a new toy to give away, too. She can repeat word for word things like, “The holida is about Jesus and God and giving and family” but I hope the actions themselves drill it home.
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Faiqa Said,
December 9, 2008 @ 12:14 pm
@Nancy: Wait? What? The neo-cons are misinforming the evangelicals about their religion in an effort to divide the people of this country in order to further their own agenda??? Heh.
@B.E. Earl: So. Wait. Are you telling me that your parents didn’t drop you in a desert when you were about fifteen with only bread and water? Apparently, we had very different childhoods.
It’s a harsh story. You’re right.
@Miss Britt: Plus like I said earlier, who wants to be the *one* mom who doesn’t give presents… no thanks.
@Sybil Law: Yeah, next year, we’re definitely doing that Goodwill thing.
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hello haha narf Said,
December 9, 2008 @ 9:58 pm
i’m so terribly sorry that i missed this post yesterday. hope your day was magnificent and truly blessed.
love.
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Allyson Said,
December 11, 2008 @ 7:57 pm
This year, I’m beginning a new tradition for Christmas. Before Christmas comes, the kids and I are choosing which toys to give away to families who are less fortunate. I tell them this is to make room for the new toys about to come in, which is true, but I also am aiming for making giving to those less fortunate natural to them. I want them to grow up taking things to Goodwill like a second nature. I want them to be so used to trying to improve the world as children that they do it automatically as adults. As I read your story, I thought maybe you could use Eid al-Adha (maybe next year) as a day to donate toys/clothes/time. Or not. I was just thinking.
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Faiqa Said,
December 11, 2008 @ 8:04 pm
@hello haha narf:Oh, don’t worry about it, I posted late. And thank you for your wishes. Means a lot.
@Allyson: That’s an excellent idea. Definitely going to do that next year.
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kapgar Said,
December 11, 2008 @ 10:54 pm
I don’t think God is cruel. But I think we as humans tend to use him as an excuse to be cruel to each other. Or justification. Or an excuse. Or we seek him as refuge or forgiveness after we’ve been cruel.
Heckuva first post for me to read on your site. I did like it though.
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Faiqa Said,
December 11, 2008 @ 11:23 pm
@kapgar: Agreed on all points.
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Karl Said,
December 12, 2008 @ 12:57 am
Happy Eid Mubarak Day!
And get that 3-year-old a job. Then she’ll appreciate that stuff.
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Poppy Said,
December 12, 2008 @ 10:39 pm
I am bad at reading comments, but I just want to say that not every part of everything you do with and for her has to be for lesson’s sake. Even if you gave her all those presents, as long as you also taught her the importance of the day then that’s what she’ll remember for a lifetime.
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Elizabeth Kaylene Said,
December 14, 2008 @ 2:11 am
I agree with Avitable; I think she’s still a little young to fully understand. She just knows she’s getting free toys.
I’m sure that as she gets older she’ll learn to appreciate the day — and not just for the toys.
As a sidenote, I’m not religious in any way but I think the Muslim religion is really beautiful. If I were to become religious, I think I might swing that way.
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