You may have noticed that yesterday I did a meme. And, though, it was super fun and even therapeutic, I did it because I have severe writer’s block. I simply cannot think of a single interesting thing to write about.
On a seemingly tangential, yet highly relevant note, some of you may know that I pulled my daughter out of preschool about two months ago. As a result, I am, cough, cough, homeschooling her. At least, until she’s four.
One of the things we’ve been doing is sequencing. I show her a series of pictures, and, then, she tells me what she thinks happened and in what order the events happened.
Well, damn. That’s a mighty good idea for someone who has writer’s block, isn’t it? Except, I’m not a storyteller. I’m a pontificater. Yes, that is a word… that I just made up.
Are you a storyteller? Good. Tell me the story behind this photo. (You can find more like it at http://www.xmarkjenkinsx.com/outside.html).
After reeling from his shameful display at a certain someone’s Halloween party, this dude went to find the nearest river so that he could off himself. The music? Too hard to face. What he didn’t realize is that the water was only an inch deep and no matter how hard he tried to drown his sorrows, the balloons strapped around his waist kept him afloat just enough to keep him alive and stuck in the memory of his incessant drinking and sexing up of all the women at said party.
Pretty soon he’ll be getting up, grabbing a slice, going home and firing up his computer to find his next inetenet dating victim…just you wait and see!
John severely miscalculated the number of balloons he needed to fly.
I didn’t know there was such a thing as a blogger who was not a storyteller!!!
Although, I just looked at that picture and thought “circus job gone very badly”. Which doesn’t even make SENSE if you look at the picture closely.
I’m with Adam here.
Looks like a Darwin Award winner to me.
Mark felt bad about giving John the PCP, which made him think that he could fly with only ten small balloons, but not bad enough to go into the water and pull him. Mark didn’t want to get his shoes wet.
P.S. Mark is the person you can see in the reflection below John’s body.
@ Hilly: Heh. Great minds think alike? The first thing I thought of was Avitaween, too.
@Avitable: Excellent. Brief, yet poignant.
@Miss Britt: I don’t consider myself a storyteller because I can’t seem to relay a series of events without consciously deciding on a philosophical lesson or single point to convey. A real storyteller, IMHO, tells a story while leaving allowing several possibilities of uncovering a personal truth for the reader. You know, the way you do. (Awwww).
@B.E. Earl: Hey. Balloons *can* make you fly. He just didn’t use enough.
@Everyone: OK. I’ll try one, too,
“After years of working on the physics of viable party balloon flight, Raj and Jeremy decided to test their theories on a small, yet remote, bridge outside of town.
As Jeremy began to tie the meticulously calculated number of balloons that had been filled with the exact amount of air that would ensure success, Raj began to wonder why he had to share credit for the success with Jeremy.
After all, he was the one who had painstakingly worked out the algorithms, calculated the pressure needed in each balloon, discovered the exact color configuration that would lead to the success of the flight, and had actually *attended* physics class.
He was tired of Jeremy sharing the credit. Jeremy had contributed little to their effort. It dawned on Raju, this was *his* moment, not *theirs*.
So, when Jeremy asked for the purple balloon, the one that would positively ensure the success of this landmark flight, Raj screamed, ‘I’ll give you purple, you bastard!!’ and shoved him with all his might. Seconds later, Jeremy tumbled over the railing, and fell flat on his face… into three inches of water.
Another few seconds later, Jeremy got up, dripping with the scummy water of a pond that had dried up due to unusually low amount of precipitation in the past few months. He looked at Raj’s horrified face and screamed, “What the F**K, dude?”
Fin (that’s a fancy way of saying, ‘the end’.”
@Finn: Good one. I’m not surprised you noticed the guy on the bridge. You’re brilliant like that.
The product of circus homeschooling gone bad, “Breakdancing Steve” decided to drum up attention by finishing his normally-funny-and-upbeat routine with an impromptu dive into the local lake. However, Steve did not realize the lake had been dried up for many years and was only covered by 3 inches of rain water from the previous night’s storm.
Miraculously, Steve survived the dive and started to get up to finish the juggling part of his routine when he saw a beautiful flower just under the water’s surface. He knelt over to sniff the flower.
The end.
@whall Now, THAT’S riveting fiction. Really.
After a failed Subway promotion at the local park, Jared fell the 30 feet into the lake, muttering to himself, “if I hadn’t eaten that last Prime Rib sandwich, I could have made it.”
@martymankins: Hahahahahaha. Awe. Some.
Apparently, 7 is NOT a lucky number.
The End.
@Sybil wins. Because she is my blog wife, and I would be a fool not to pick her. :heartbeat:
George! Turn in! The party’s over here!
RW!!!! I was so worried about you. Honest to goodness, I was going to give it two more days and then e-mail you to ask you if you were O.K. Even if it meant you were going to berate me for it.
colourful balloons can’t make hope float
we all stumble and we all fall back down
@adnan very nice. brevity IS the soul of wit, after all.
I have a confession…I am Raj!